‘How sure are you of the precise wording inside the book you were given?’

‘A hundred per cent. “Every bed is narrow”. I never forgot the words, because …’ I stop, having stupidly said too much. I’d rather not tell Gibbs this part of the story, and now I’m going to have to. ‘Something weird happened later that night – one of those funny coincidences, although at the time I was a bit freaked out and wondered if there was a connection. Though there was no way the two things could have been connected.’

‘Go on,’ says Gibbs.

‘I stayed in a hotel that night. The hotel was very near the theatre – no more than a two minute walk. I remember the route: leave the theatre, cross the road, head right, first left, walk along a bit, the hotel’s on your left. I can describe the hotel reasonably well, I think – one of those fusty three-star places where a really depressing wedding might happen – navy carpet with a fleur-de-lis pattern, that type of place.’

Gibbs stares blankly at me.

‘Sunday lunch carvery?’ I try harder. ‘Plastic rack on the reception desk stuffed full of leaflets advertising pantomimes, water parks, country houses?’

Still no facial expression from Gibbs. ‘But you can’t tell me which town or city the hotel’s in, or its name.’ He sounds unimpressed.

‘No. Sorry.’

‘Carry on.’

‘Do you remember on my list of terms and conditions, I specify bed size if overnight accommodation’s involved?’

‘How could I forget?’

‘No smaller than a king, I say. Well, this hotel decided to try and pretend that a bed smaller than a double was a king. I dragged the receptionist up to the room and made her look with her own eyes. The bed was about the size of the average sofa-bed, but she wouldn’t accept that because somewhere on her computer system, it said that the bed in room 21 was a king. That wasn’t my actual room number, I was just … you know.’

It’s hard to imagine a tougher crowd than DC Gibbs. I don’t know why I’m bothering to dramatise any of this for his benefit; he’s as receptive as a slab of stone.

‘It didn’t matter that the bed was on the small side, because there was only going to be me sleeping in it, but still …’ Why am I saying this? I’m fairly sure there’s absolutely no need, and it’s nowhere near true. The narrow bed mattered a lot. And even when I sleep alone, I like a big bed. If I have to travel halfway across the country and entertain hundreds of people, it’s reasonable to try to create conditions that make the experience bearable.

‘And this incident with the small bed in the hotel alarmed you because of the words in the book you’d been given that night?’