She looked down at herself. ‘Actually, I am. This is it.’

‘No, I mean … when we go on our blast-from-my-past tour, I’d rather you wore regular clothes. Otherwise I might feel like I’m an escaped loony who needs a uniformed attendant.’

‘I’m glad you raised this.’ Charlie perched on the edge of the table in the corner. ‘I’d rather not play driver to a spoilt star with an over-inflated ego.’

Star? Was she deluded? ‘Is that your way of saying it’s important to you to wear uniform?’

‘I’ve seen your list of requirements: a gold-plated dressing room, a Filipino butler with a six-pack to polish your toenails between interviews, etcetera.’

‘Wow. Seems there really are a million different ways you can interpret the words “pickled onion Monster Munch”.’

We were going to be getting into a car together soon whether we wanted to or not. Since Charlie Zailer was unlikely to stop being an arsehole – people rarely did – I decided I’d have to be the one to make the effort. ‘I only made that list because I’d been treated badly by an event organiser one time too many,’ I said. ‘Feel free to ignore my list, and wear whatever you want. You’re right, it’s none of my business.’

‘I probably don’t need to wear the uniform,’ she said. ‘Leave it with me. First things first: we need to draw up a schedule. Where we go and in what order. Also hotels – I want to get on and book them.’

‘Hotels?’

Every bed is narrow.

When I’d first read those words in a little white book, I’d thought they meant that any bed you share with another person feels too small. Even in the early days of our relationship when I couldn’t get enough of his body or his conversation, I’d wished Gabe would sleep somewhere else at night and not next to me. I’d have suggested it, but you’re not supposed to. People who are in love are meant to want to sleep side by side, so I tried to want to. It took me more than a year to work out that Gabe’s intermittent snoring was the perfect excuse to make a case for separate rooms.

‘B and Bs more than hotels, probably,’ said Charlie. ‘I have to try and keep costs down. If we’re travelling all over the country, we’re going to need to sleep somewhere – unless you want to start from the Culver Valley every morning.’

‘No. Sorry. Hadn’t thought it through.’

‘Are you okay?’ She peered at me.

Totally, and not at all would have been an honest answer. For as long as I could remember, I’d been absolutely fine and a complete mess.

‘If it’s okay, I don’t want to stay in any of the hotels I stayed in before, when I gigged in those towns. I don’t like going back to old haunts if I can avoid it.’