“If the group we met at lunch is any measure, you should meet a better class of men.”

She chuckled. “You may have a point. I wasn’t much older than you when I first met Relos Var. Except unlike you, I was a sex slave owned by the High Lord of House D’Jorax. Believe me when I say that compared to royalty, Relos Var looks very good indeed.”

I felt a shudder pass through me. “I’m sorry.”

“I’d say it was worse than you can imagine, but you’ve known Xaltorath, so I doubt that’s true. In any event, you see why I’m biased in Relos Var’s favor.”

Looking at her, I understood too. After all, what could ever compete? Var had rescued her from horrors. Why would she ever turn against the man who freed her from that?

But he’d done more than rescue Senera: he’d educated her, trained her, given her a cause. Senera didn’t believe she was an evil person. She might do terrible things, yes, but she clearly felt the wrongs she committed were for the greater good, justified by a greater and better future. She wasn’t a demon but an angel, fighting a holy war against the monsters who had put her through more pain than any man, woman, or child should ever endure.

I couldn’t look at her and tell myself I’d never fall into the same trap. How easy is it to convince ourselves we’re infallible, that our way and point of view are the only ones that matter. Oh, it is the easiest trap, and it always comes loaded with the most effective bait, our own desperate need for self-worth.

“Look, would you mind … leaving me be? I need time.”

Senera started to say something, paused, and nodded. “Of course.”

She walked out the door.

As soon as she left, I drew a deep breath and then let myself succumb to what I’d been holding back for as long as I remembered. Holding back because I had been raised to believe my duty required me to be a symbol of strength for others.

But I no longer existed as a symbol of strength for anyone. No one was counting on me to be the one in control.

I was anything but in control.

I wanted my grandfather. I wanted my parents. I wanted my mother.

Except they weren’t my real family. She wasn’t my real mother. She never had been.

I collapsed into tears and didn’t stop crying until at some point my sobs rolled over into my own parody of sleep.

I woke to find myself back in the Afterlife.

And about to be attacked by demons. Of course.

I didn’t hesitate. I waded into the battle, screaming.