“No. You’re not dead. Did you think—?” He put his hand under my chin. “Does the idea of your own death mean so little to you?”

Warm rage filled me as I jerked my chin from his grip. “The idea of death? Look around you. Where do you think I spend my evenings? Every evening? Why would I fear the playground I’ve known every single night since the Lonezh Hellmarch?”

“But what comes next—”

“I wake up or I don’t, but either way, I know what comes next. Back here again, another night, fighting the same battles I’ve always fought. Death isn’t an end; it’s a change of venue.”

He scowled, pacing like a frustrated tiger locked in a cage. “You think you have nothing to lose. You’re wrong.”

I looked away. “I know what I have to lose. What I will lose. I’ll be stripped of my title, forced to go into hiding. I’m prepared—”

“No.” His voice was soft. “Relos Var’s going to give you what you wanted.”

I didn’t understand. Not right away. I stared at him, uncomprehending. “What I wanted?”

And then I realized. He didn’t mean wanting Tolamer Canton back, or clearing my name, or even the part about stopping Relos Var.

He meant my quest to infiltrate Duke Kaen’s stronghold.

“Relos Var isn’t leaving you behind in Jorat,” Mithros said. “He’s going to take you with him back to Yor.”

I’d given up on this outcome. Dismissed it as untenable when Mithros had first pointed out that Relos Var would almost certainly gaesh me. And now … I felt dread shudder through me as I turned to face Mithros. “Why? Why would he not leave me? I’m the duke’s problem now. Why would Duke Xun let Relos Var take me?” I grappled with motives I scarcely understood. Had I been wrong about Relos Var? Would he want revenge? Want to make me suffer for defying him? Would he—

Saelen.

Relos Var could claim me as saelen, as a stray. He supposedly cured witches, didn’t he? If he convinced the Markreev of Stavira or Duke Xun I could be rehabilitated, if he appealed to the Joratese desire to keep the herd strong …

All my work to make Relos Var claim idorrá over me only helped his cause.

Mithros held out a hand as he saw my horrified expression. “It’s not what you think. Var is many things, but he wouldn’t kidnap and defile a young woman. Not even someone who interfered with his plans.”

I blinked. “You’re right. That’s not what I thought. Indeed … that option never occurred to me.”

He cleared his throat, looking embarrassed for a moment. “Just as well.” Mithros continued, “But now we need to worry about gaeshing.”