“This is to notify you that by a unanimous vote of the Union taken at an extraordinary general meeting convened on August 20th al the Astrovegetarian Hall, Villiers Street, Strand, the President of the Union, the Rt. Hon. the Earl of Buntingdon, occupying the chair, the outrageous action taken by you on August 12th last against sixteen members of the Union including the Secretary, Mr Sydney Prew, was declared an intolerable infringement of democratic privilege. In the opinion of the meeting any redress through legal channels was found inadequate and by another unanimous vote it was resolved to set in motion against you the full powers of the Union for offensive action on a level with your own.

“Misled by the apparent success of fascist methods in Foreign Affairs you have attempted to imitate such methods in England…”

“England!” Ben Nevis exploded. “The ruffian thinks Glenbogle is in England! Do you hear that, Hugh?”

Kilwhillie decided to treat this question as purely rhetorical, and went on reading … “but you will find that when a great democratic institution decides to take offensive action it can act with greater vigour, effect, speed, and ruthlessness than any dictator. The war declared upon you, MacDonald of Ben Nevis, by the National Union of Hikers, began this afternoon when one of your accomplices in the dastardly aggression committed by you against the collective security of the aforesaid Union was seized by the Union’s armed forces. To him will be meted out the same treatment as was meted out by you to sixteen members of the Union.”

“They’ve kidnapped Chester!” Carrie cried.

“Well, what would you say to that?” Myrtle asked. “Oh, pardon me, Kilwhillie, you want to finish reading. Carrie and I interrupted you.”

“Furthermore the same treatment will be meted out to every one of your accomplices including yourself. You have asked for war, MacDonald of Ben Nevis, and you shall have war, ruthless war until you sue humbly for peace. The National Union of Hikers will then decide the terms upon which its members will grant you peace.

Percy Buckham,

Acting President.”

“There you are, you see, Ben Nevis,” said Colonel Wolseley, shaking his head. “This is what comes of taking the law into your own hands.”

“What do you mean, Lindsay-Wolseley?”

The Colonel recognized by being addressed with both his surnames that his host was angry, but in his position as Convener of the Police Committee of the County Council he felt bound to express his opinion even if such frankness should lead to a temporary breach between Ben Nevis and himself.

“I mean exactly what I say,” he replied. “Your action on the Twelfth was responsible for what amounts to a threat of plunging this part of Inverness-shire into anarchy.”