He shook his head. “I don’t understand how a mother can’t want a baby. Will she change her mind, do you think?”

“I don’t really know her reasons. Perhaps she’ll have some counselling.” Natalie shook her head, overwhelmed again by guilt that she hadn’t been there when her daughter had needed her – perhaps another of the things she couldn’t discard.

“You said you changed your mind once Kate was born.”

“I’m not Kate so I can’t speak for her.” She gripped his big hand in hers. “It was different for me. I liked the no-baby lifestyle but all our friends were having babies and you were so keen to be a dad…when I found out I was pregnant it took a bit of getting used to the idea.”

“I thought you lost your spark in the early days of your pregnancy because you weren’t well.”

“That didn’t help but I worried I wouldn’t be a good mother.”

His other hand went over hers. “You’re a wonderful mother.”

“I grew into it but it wasn’t easy. When they put Kate in my arms I wasn’t overcome with that surge of maternal love everyone says you get. It took me a long time to get used to being a mum.”

“We were both learning, Nat. I remember being too scared to hold her in case I dropped her.”

“Your mum was a wonderful help back then.”

Milt scowled.

“No matter what’s happened between us since, I was so thankful for her in those early days. She fussed and clucked and rocked and sang, she got meals and did washing while I sat in an exhausted heap.”

“We were both a bit overwhelmed.”

Natalie chuckled but there was no mirth in it. “I felt like I was just getting into my stride and along came Brianna and I sunk again even lower the next time.”

“You had to physically recover. Hers wasn’t an easy birth.”

Natalie shuddered even now at the recollection of the stitches she’d needed. She had been a mess physically and mentally after Bree’s birth. “Now, when I look back, I know I was depressed but I didn’t understand it then.”

“And I made it worse.”

Natalie tensed. “Between us we weren’t much chop. I felt guilty I wasn’t a good mother and then I felt I’d been such a terrible wife I’d driven you to Veronica’s arms.”

Milt lurched to his feet, crouched down beside her and gripped both her hands with his. “Don’t you dare feel guilty, Nat. I made a stupid mistake but it was me who did it, nothing to do with you. I’m just sorry I didn’t understand better what you were going through…how you felt after the babies.”