Keitumeste was smirking. ‘Hands down!’ she commanded. ‘You are all wrong – all except that man at the back. You, Rra, you did not put your hand up.’

Mr J. L. B. Matekoni shook his head. He wished he had not drawn attention to himself in this way, but he could not make an untrue claim. It would be as bad as describing a car as being in good condition when it patently was not; he had never done that sort of thing before, and he had no intention of doing it now.

‘Well, then,’ said Keitumeste, ‘this shows us a very important thing: a really modern man does not pretend to be something that he is not. All of you – all, except our friend at the back – are therefore old-fashioned.’

The other men turned to stare at Mr J. L. B. Matekoni. Their expressions were reproachful – as if he stood accused of trying to curry favour with the teacher. He looked away in embarrassment.

‘There are more questions,’ announced Keitumeste. ‘The first of these is this: when did you last vacuum-clean the house?’

Mr J. L. B. Matekoni bit his lip as he tried to decide on the answer he would give if attention were suddenly to be focused on him. At one level the answer was simple – he had never vacuumed the house – but there was an even more profound issue to be resolved: did they even have a vacuum cleaner? If there was no vacuum cleaner, then it would look less bad for him that he had never used one in the house. Mind you, he had never swept the house either – and they did have a broom.

A forest of hands went up, but it did not include his.

Keitumeste pointed at a man in the middle. ‘Yes, Rra? When did you do that?’

The man answered in a clear, confident voice. ‘Yesterday, Mma. I vacuumed the living room and the dining room, too. I would have done more if I had not been so tired.’

Keitumeste nodded. ‘And what sort of vacuum cleaner is it, Rra?’

The question, so innocently put, found its target. The man opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it.

‘You don’t know, do you?’ said Keitumeste scornfully. ‘I can tell you then. Perhaps it was a Nothing Vacuum Cleaner. That is a very popular make of vacuum cleaner with men, because it does not exist – that is why!’

Again she looked over the heads of the front two rows to focus on Mr J. L. B. Matekoni. ‘You have never vacuumed, have you, Rra?’

Conscious of the eyes of the class upon him, he muttered a response that did not consist of any words – just a few self-deprecatory sounds.

‘Once again, I must commend you, Rra,’ said Keitumeste. ‘A truly modern husband does not make up information to please people.’ She paused. ‘And here is another question: hands up those who have given their wife a present this month?’