The feeling of hollowness came over him …

Ragen opened his eyes, feeling the rage that could no longer be bottled up. For what Chalmer had done to Danny and to Billy and now to Billy’s mother, the man had to die.

He rose slowly and went to the kitchen, hearing the lowered voices from the living room. He opened the drawer where the cutlery was kept, took a six-inch steak knife, slipped it into his shirt and went back to his room. He put the knife under the pillow and lay down to wait. After they all went to sleep, he would come out and stab Chalmer in the heart. Or perhaps he would cut his throat. He lay there rehearsing it in his mind, waiting for the house to grow quiet. At twelve o’clock they were still awake, talking. He fell asleep.

The morning light woke Allen and he jumped out of bed, unsure of where he was or what had happened. He went quickly to the bathroom, and Ragen told him what he had planned. When he came out, Dorothy was in his room. She had started to make up his bed, but she was holding the knife.

“Billy, what’s this?”

He looked at it calmly and said in a monotone, “I was going to kill him.”

She looked up quickly, surprised at the low, emotionless tone of voice. “What do you mean?”

Allen stared at her. “Your husband was supposed to be dead this morning.”

She went pale and clutched her throat. “Oh my God, Billy, what are you saying?” She grabbed his arms and shook him, hissing the words softly so that no one else would hear. “You mustn’t say that. You mustn’t think it. Look what it would do to you. What would happen to you?”

Allen gazed at her and said calmly, “Look at what’s happened to you.” Then he turned and walked out.

Sitting in class, Billy tried to ignore the snickering and teasing of the other kids. The word had gotten around that he was an outpatient at the mental health clinic. There were giggles and circling of index fingers at temples. Girls stuck out-their tongues at him.

Between classes, several of the girls crowded around him in the corridor near the girls’ lavatory.

“C’mere, Billy. We wanna show you something.”

He knew they were teasing him, but he was too shy to resist girls. They pushed him into the lavatory, forming a barrier, knowing he wouldn’t dare touch them.

“Is it true you’re a virgin, Billy?”

He blushed.

“You ain’t never made it with a girl?”

Not knowing about Philip’s experience with the girl at the hospital, he shook his head.

“He probably made it with animals up on the farm.”

“Do you play with animals on the farm in Bremen, Billy?” Before he knew what they were doing, they had him against the wall and they were pulling his trousers down. He slipped and fell to the floor, trying to hang on to his pants, but they got them off and ran away, leaving him lying in the girls’ lavatory in his shorts. He started to cry.