“I haven’t abandoned them, they’ve abandoned me. I can’t afford to abandon them officially, anyway. I’ve got to pretend to stick by them.” She sighed, heavily. “You know, looking back, I realised I felt as light as air, all these years. I felt as though I was walking on air. I did feel free, I felt so-so undetermined, so unforced, so unpushed in every way. And now I realise it wasn’t like that at all. It was all an illusion.”

“I don’t see why it has to be called an illusion, just because you feel differently now. And you probably only feel different temporarily. It’s your age, that’s all.”

“It’s worse than that. Though God knows that’s bad enough. Oh dear, what a bore I am these days. How very patient you are, I don’t know why you put up with me.”

“I don’t find you boring.”

Depressing, then?”

“No, I don’t find you depressing, either. Perhaps I should, but I don’t.”

“That’s nice of you.”

“It’s only because I’m an unfeeling cold-hearted creature. I don’t really care enough about you to get depressed by you. Anyway, I’m sure you’re going to cheer up again one of these days. You’re bound to. You can’t not.”

“That’s what I tell myself. But I don’t think I believe myself.”

“Well, I believe you.”

She smiled, dispiritedly, then tried again, and smiled more brightly.

“You know,” she said, “I’m beginning to think I feel the same way about women that my father feels about the unions. That it was a good cause in the old days. And that’s treachery, isn’t it? I’ve sold out, like my Dad. I thought I was a revolutionary, but I’m not.”

“That really is age, what you’re describing. Don’t we all feel the same?”

“Maybe we do, but that doesn’t make it any better. Yes, you’re right, it is age. I used to enjoy the smell of battle, but I’ve got sick of it, I’m really sick of it. I’m worn out.”

“You’ve done your bit. You can retire.”

“What to?”

“I don’t think you’re tired of fighting, you’re bored with finding yourself on the winning side. It’s all got too easy for you. That’s the real problem.”

“Do you think so?” This analysis seemed to cheer her, and she stirred her coffee with a new access of energy. “Do you think I’m just fed up with everyone agreeing with me?”

“You’re fed up with them pretending to agree with you. You should find some wonderful new line and annoy them all. Start again, with your back to the wall.”

“How can I, when I believe in the old line? Perhaps I should join a group and get my consciousness raised.”