MRS. LEVI:

I knew you would.

VANDERGELDER:

I made Cornelius Hackl my partner.

MRS. LEVI:

You won’t regret it.

VANDERGELDER:

Dolly, you said some mighty unpleasant things to me in the restaurant tonight . . . all that about my house . . . and everything.

MRS. LEVI:

Let’s not say another word about it.

VANDERGELDER:

Dolly, you have a lot of faults—

MRS. LEVI:

Oh, I know what you mean.

VANDERGELDER:

You’re bossy, scheming, inquisitive . . .

MRS. LEVI:

Go on.

VANDERGELDER:

But you’re a wonderful woman. Dolly, marry me.

MRS. LEVI:

Horace!

Rises.

Stop right there.

VANDERGELDER:

I know I’ve been a fool about Mrs. Molloy, and that other woman. But, Dolly, forgive me and marry me.

He goes on his knees.

MRS. LEVI:

Horace, I don’t dare. No. I don’t dare.

VANDERGELDER:

What do you mean?

MRS. LEVI:

You know as well as I do that you’re the first citizen of Yonkers. Naturally, you’d expect your wife to keep open house, to have scores of friends in and out all the time. Any wife of yours should be used to that kind of thing.

VANDERGELDER:

After a brief struggle with himself.

Dolly, you can live any way you like.

MRS. LEVI:

Horace, you can’t deny it, your wife would have to be a somebody. Answer me: am I a somebody?

VANDERGELDER:

You are . . . you are. Wonderful woman.

MRS. LEVI:

Oh, you’re partial.

She crosses, giving a big wink at the audience, and sits on sofa right.

VANDERGELDER follows her on his knees.

Horace, it won’t be enough for you to load your wife with money and jewels; to insist that she be a benefactress to half the town.

He rises and, still struggling with himself, coughs so as not to hear this.

No, she must be a somebody. Do you really think I have it in me to be a credit to you?

VANDERGELDER:

Dolly, everybody knows that you could do anything you wanted to do.

MRS. LEVI:

I’ll try. With your help, I’ll try—and by the way, I found your purse.

Holds it up.

VANDERGELDER:

Where did you—! Wonderful woman!

MRS. LEVI:

It just walked into my hand. I don’t know how I do it. Sometimes I frighten myself. Horace, take it. Money walks out of my hands, too.

VANDERGELDER:

Keep it. Keep it.

MRS. LEVI:

Horace!

Half laughing, half weeping, and with an air of real affection for him.

I never thought . . . I’d ever . . . hear you say a thing like that!

BARNABY dashes in from the kitchen in great excitement. He has discarded Minnie’s clothes.

BARNABY:

Oh! Excuse me. I didn’t know anybody was here.

VANDERGELDER:

Bellowing.

Didn’t know anybody was here. Idiot!

MRS. LEVI:

Putting her hand on Vandergelder’s arm; amiably:

Come in, Barnaby. Come in.

VANDERGELDER looks at her a minute; then says, imitating her tone:

VANDERGELDER:

Come in, Barnaby. Come in.

BARNABY:

Cornelius is going to marry Mrs. Molloy!!

MRS. LEVI:

Isn’t that fine! Horace!. . .