Failure doesn’t exist for me, so obviously we rocked the Bone Room—yeah, you heard that right. Got this pretty thing as a reward [holds up a gold bracelet]. However, my partner is [pauses] indisposed at the moment and probably scarred for life. Please keep her in your thoughts and prayers. All religions welcome as well as nondenominational best wishes. Pretend you’re politicians. It seems to work fine for them.

Yes, I see your comments. I am talking. Wait your turn.

Where was I?

I haven’t the faintest idea where anyone else is. I miss Nicole. I’m hungry. My back hurts like you wouldn’t believe. I need a nap.

Currently, I’m in my room safe and sound and showered. All our rooms are color coded, by the way. Mine is red and just brimming with connotations that I’m not entirely oblivious to.

Oh! The screen is flashing a five-minute warning at me. How convenient.

I’m assuming that little number at the top means how many of you are watching. That’s a whole lot of you, there’s only one of me, and these comments are flying by, to be honest. I’ll read what I can catch for the next four minutes and forty-five seconds and answer with the utmost honesty as promised and [pauses] go!

Umm, how much money will we win? Two winners, five hundred grand each.

Can you give a tour of the house? No. Don’t ask that again.

What’s Jewel really like? Not as smart as she thinks she is. Creative—I get serious tortured-artist vibes from her. Perceptive. Intriguing. I’ve only spent a handful of minutes alone with her so far. I don’t really have any expectations to compare her to.

Is Luna okay? Wow, okay, I see your question now, I see it. Luna was fine the last time I saw her.

Okay, having some trouble here—your inquiries must be in the form of a question with a question mark if you want an answer. Otherwise, it just reads like a statement. Plus y’all are using some syntax and abbreviations I have never seen in my life and I do not understand a lot of it. Which, all things considered, makes sense. Questions with questions marks. Please.

Uhhh, let’s see, are you really gay? Wow [laughs], I knew I shouldn’t have made that joke about being in the closet earlier. I don’t know. Maybe. Probably. Jury’s still out. Literally. Imagine there’s a trial and the jurors are in deliberation. There isn’t quite a unanimous vote just yet, but the dissenters are rapidly losing ground. My therapist—yes, I go to therapy, hello—says it’s perfectly fine to not know or to have a label yet, and I trust her. So. Next question.

Have you seen the silver scythe? No, I don’t even know what that is.

What is the Bone Room? It’s a room full of bones and skeletons. Jewel’s very literal like that.

Are Luna and Alex dating? No idea.