“You picked Ammi because she had a nice nose?” As he sat there shrugging and smiling bashfully, I thought about how much time and thought I put into even the most routine things. Just this morning, it took me twenty minutes to decide which sweatpants I was going to wear. And looking now at the gray fleece with the stain at the knee, I was sure I had made the wrong choice. How could my father base the most important decision of his life solely on who had the better nose? What about personality? And life views? And compatibility? Aren’t these just as important when it comes to selecting a spouse as the size of their nose?

“Once I made my choice, her parents invited my family to their home that very weekend. We sat on opposite couches, but we were so shy that we barely looked at each other.” He chuckled as he reflected on the memory. “But I could tell by how she served us chai that she was a nice, simple girl. Two days later, we had our nikkah, and the following week, we were on a plane to America to start our new life together.”

I couldn’t believe that was all it took for my parents to get married. Five pictures and four bad noses, and now here they were, about to celebrate their thirtieth wedding anniversary. A part of me couldn’t help but feel a tiny bit jealous at how simple it had all been for them. But I also knew that that strategy would never work for me. I had more complicated wants. A laundry list of expectations. No matter how badly I wanted my Bollywood ending, I knew it would take much more than a nice nose for me to fall in love.

“The first step is always the hardest, Leila. Your mother and I were practically strangers when we married, but we took the time to learn about each other.”

“But what if there’s not enough time to learn everything?”

“Leila, you cannot know everything. Your mother and I are still learning about each other. After thirty years! Just the other day, she told me she doesn’t like the way I chew my food. I didn’t even know that!”

“But that’s what scares me, Abba. What if I discover something I don’t like? And by then it’s too late!”

“Leila, beti, the truth is you can never fully know a person. No matter how much time you spend with them. In fact, the more time you spend with someone, the more wrongs you discover. That is why so many people just continue to date but never marry.”

“But not everyone is lucky enough to find what you and Ammi have.” I sighed. “The risks are just too high to jump into a marriage blindfolded. What if I choose the wrong person? Or I don’t fall in love? Or I suddenly realize we’re not compatible?” I rambled off all my worst fears until my father finally stopped me.