“It’s okay.” I relaxed a bit. I hadn’t meant to be so blunt, but since he seemed genuinely sorry, I decided to let it slide. “Well,” I began as Suitor #9 pulled out a pad of paper and a pen from the inside pocket of his blazer. “I teach high school English. I’m an only child, and I’ve lived in L.A. my whole life.” I noticed him jotting down notes. I tried to continue as normal, but my curiosity finally got the best of me. “What are you doing?” I asked, pointing to his pad.

“Oh.” Suitor #9 looked up, smiling sheepishly. “I’m just writing down all the things I want to tell you when it’s my turn to talk again.”

I placed my head in my hands and silently prayed for the night to be over. This was not at all what I’d had in mind.

BUZZ!

Speed Date #10

“Last but not least.” Suitor #10 smiled, taking a seat. “So what does a pretty girl like you do?”

“I’m a teacher. What about you?”

“I’m an engineer,” he said, still smiling. “Original, I know.”

I laughed. “Where do you work?”

“I’m actually in between jobs right now.”

I lifted my brows.

“It’s a long story,” he said, waving his hand. “But my work visa expired recently, so I’m not able to work per se.”

“Oh. I see.”

“That’s kind of why I’m here.”

“In L.A.?”

“No, at this speed dating event.” He leaned in. “I need to find a solution, quick.” He laughed nervously.

“Oh,” I said, taking a sip of my water. I had heard about “status seekers” from Tania before. How these men often made the rounds, searching for women who would help them live out their American dreams in exchange for money or jewelry or companionship. Unfortunately for Suitor #10, I was not interested in a business transaction. I was looking for a husband. A husband who found me more attractive than my blue passport.

As Suitor #10 spent the next few minutes attempting to pitch me a sale, my mind began to drift. Two months ago, I was spending my weekends hiking and shopping and hanging out with my friends. Now I was sitting here at this lame event trying to remember the last time I had had any fun. Another Saturday totally wasted. From a distance, I could hear the sound of the final buzzer.

“Well, it was very nice meeting you, Leila. I’m glad they saved you for last.”

“Ditto.” I smiled back politely. “You were definitely the perfect way to end this night,” I muttered under my breath as I got up.

As Mr. Status Seeker walked away, I picked up my index card and wrote a giant NOPE across the top. Then I drew a dark vertical line through each guy’s name, and handed it to the aunty, who was making her way past each table with an eager smile. I waited for Tania to finish so we could walk out together.