Because I did not want to give up my role as leader.

I knew better than anyone that it had been a false sense of power – that Tristan had always been in control, the plans all his and my task only to implement them. Yet there’d been much to that, because without me, there was no face to our endeavor, no assurance that we had the power to see it through. There would be no revolution. But once Tristan took control, he would so thoroughly fill my shoes that I couldn’t help but believe I’d be all but forgotten. By the half-bloods. By my friends. By history itself. Lost to the shadows in which I hid.

It hurt.

But the longer Tristan’s accusation sat upon my mind, the more I believed that I deserved it.

I’d known when I’d bonded Pénélope that I’d be putting my life at risk, but it hadn’t occurred to me that I’d be risking the lives of anyone else, much less those of every half-blood in Trollus. But now every servant I passed in the hall caused a twinge of guilt to race through me, because I swore I saw accusation in their eyes. Betrayal. Fear. I’d stood before them and painted Tristan’s vision of the future – one in which they would be free of bondage. But more than I’d realized, they’d tied their hope of seeing that future to me. My power. My influence. My ambition. And I’d put Pénélope ahead of all of it. Ahead of them.

Yet I couldn’t bring myself to see that as a mistake.

Out of her father’s house, Pénélope thrived. The haunted expression that had lived on her face for so long was gone, replaced with a levity that made her more lovely than ever. I spent every spare second in her presence, filling the solar where she painted with hothouse flowers from Trianon that I imported at great expense for the pleasure of watching her smile as she inhaled their fragrance. She’d admire them for a heartbeat before promptly inviting students – low and high born – from the Artisans’ Guild to study the precious plants. My home was soon full of artists painting and sculpting and blowing glass into replicas that would be sold back into the world they imitated, but neither me nor my parents begrudged the traffic.

When she wasn’t working in her studio, I’d find her in the room she’d selected for the nursery, quietly painting a mural on one of the walls in brilliant, vibrant colors. From time to time, she’d pause, pressing one hand to her stomach, and I knew she was feeling the baby’s magic. That she loved our child. That she believed she’d be able to bring it into the world. That she’d survive its birth.

She was happy.

In some ways, that was the greatest gift of the bond. That it brought verity to our relationship, forcing us to be truthful about our emotions even if we were not always forthcoming with our thoughts. She was living life the way she’d always dreamed, and I’d given her that chance.