It still was, and that was what made it so hard, because I had to willfully push it aside. It was a dream that needed to remain that way. “It’s a demanding position. I don’t have time for it, and the last thing I need is my mother turning her full attention on me.” But declining wasn’t an option. She had a plan in her mind, and if I disrupted it, she’d send me back to the Hollow in an instant. She’d rather see her plans destroyed than ever consider a compromise.

Sabine hesitated, then held out a glass of what looked like brandy. “You look like you need this. For fortitude.”

“Thanks.” I accepted the glass, although the thought of drinking it turned my stomach.

“Your mother’s given me a list of tasks that I need to get started on,” she said. “But maybe we can meet after and you can tell me what happened.”

“I’ll come find you,” I said. But instead of leaving, she stood watching me, a faint look of expectation on her face. “You should get to work on your list,” I said. “Julian’s reaction will have put her in a foul mood.”

“Right.” She hesitated for a heartbeat longer, and then left me alone. Pressing my forehead against the coolness of the wall, I took a deep breath. Would nothing ever go right for me again? Problem after cursed problem seemed to stack up every which way I turned, and I had no solution to any of them. I didn’t even know where to begin looking for solutions.

And then I got handed something I actually wanted – a chance I’d longed for most of my life – and I couldn’t even bear to be happy about it. What did it matter if I were a star soprano when the man I loved was being tortured at the hands of his father. When I’d locked myself into a binding promise to find a five century-old witch with a grudge. When my brother was threatening to find a way to starve my friends caught in Trollus…

Part of me had felt a thrill of excitement when my mother had made her announcement, because singing is what I’d always wanted to do. I loved it so, so, so much. But how dare I even consider such a life when so much of what mattered to me was in danger?

Imagine what your life would have been like if you’d never gone to Trollus…

I shoved the thought away. “Imagine what you wouldn’t have if you hadn’t gone,” I hissed at myself. “Imagine who you wouldn’t know. Imagine who you wouldn’t love.” But my words were cold comfort.

Back in the foyer, everyone was pretending to be reading the script, but I could see the furtive glances cast between the sullen and red-eyed Julian and the tight-faced Genevieve. Nothing would get done until the two of them reconciled, and I needed to be out and away from here looking for Anushka.