She looked down self-consciously, suddenly intent on her pizza. “I just know how it feels to lose someone, that’s all.”

There was muffled conversation behind them, Skip and Donna arguing beneath the blare of the music.

“I’m sorry,” Justin said. “I’m sorry that you’ve ever had to lose someone.” He didn’t pry, and Kelsey blinked back unseen tears.

“So what will you do now?”

“Drink till I pass out?” It sounded so out of character coming from him that Kelsey started to laugh.

A shy smile hovered on his lips once more, as if he were secretly pleased. “I like it when you laugh. You should do it more often.”

Flustered, Kelsey toyed with her plastic fork, not knowing what to say.

“I know how you feel,” Justin went on. “People always feel that way when something bad happens. They want things to be normal again. They want the bad part to be over so they can get back to their nice, safe routines. But they keep thinking about the victim—about how she can’t ever be happy again…or normal…or sometimes—even alive—” His voice dropped. “And then they feel guilty wanting to get on with their lives.” He sighed and pushed back his uneaten food. “Right now all I want to do is be here. Be anywhere. Anywhere but home. Thinking of anything but Beth.”

Kelsey nodded but didn’t trust her voice to speak.

“I think Neale’s right,” Justin reflected. “The not knowing, that’s the worst. ’cause then, every day of your life you think maybe today you’ll hear something. Maybe today she’ll turn up.”

“But you can’t do that,” Kelsey said, surprising even herself. “You can’t live your life for something that might never happen. ’cause then one day your own life is over, and all you’ve done is live for someone else.”

Justin watched her, his face thoughtful. There was a light in his eyes, soft, like the sound of his voice, and his sweet, sad smile.

“Feel like taking a walk?”

“All right.”

He took her arm, guiding her to a tall gate in a wall at the back of the yard.

“Where are we going?”

“The beach is right out here.” He was looking back over his shoulder and didn’t notice the way she suddenly tensed. “They’re still arguing. They won’t even miss us.”

“What about Neale?”

“I don’t see him. Their fighting probably drove him away. It’s what they do best together, fighting.”

“She really likes him, you know.”

“I know.” He held the gate and she went ahead of him, stopping almost at once, unprepared for the sudden surge of darkness.

“It’s okay,” Justin said softly. “The moon’s just behind a cloud. You’ll be able to see the whole beach in a second.” He reached for her hand, and she held onto him gratefully as he led the way across the sand. The wind was balmy and slow, sighing in over the black eternity of ocean, and the sky sputtered for just an instant, then slowly flooded with light.