The next time I see her, it’s late in the evening. She didn’t go to Isaac’s afternoon talk about fasting to enhance willpower and spirituality, nor the early evening meditation. Daisy nudged Leanne when they walked in and spotted me sitting beside Isaac. They stopped walking and stood stock-still in the entrance, silently staring at me until Daisy burst out laughing, grabbed Leanne’s hand and took a seat at the side of the room. I hope against hope that, when I do find Al, she tells me that neither of them want to leave with us the day after tomorrow.

Now, everyone is gathered in a circle on the patio drinking Raj’s home brew as a goat slowly rotates on a spit above the fire in the centre. Isaac, Isis, Cera and I are sitting nearest to the house. Al, Daisy and Johan are on the other side of the circle, staring silently at the fire, the flickering flames illuminating their faces. I stare at Al, willing her to look at me, but it’s Johan who senses me watching and looks up.

I look away, towards the river where Paula and Sally are skinny-dipping, their naked bodies visible in the moonlight, pale against the blackness of the water, their laughter and screams cutting through the low murmur of voices around the patio. The air is thick with the scent of cooked meat, spliffs and Raj’s home brew. The smell reminds me of something and I tap Isaac on the arm to ask him what it is.

“Yeah?” he says, without turning to look at me. He and Cera are deep in conversation about how much longer Raj can stretch the remaining meagre food supplies without another trip to Pokhara.

I don’t answer him. I’ve remembered what the smell reminds me off. The night we “said goodbye” to Ruth.

I reach for the cup of beer at my feet and swig at it. It tastes of yeast and vinegar but I swallow it back.

“I need a refill,” I say.

Isaac makes no move to stop me so I stand up, wander back to the door leading to the kitchen and refill my cup from the barrel outside the doorway. When I look back towards the fire, Leanne has taken my place. She doesn’t make space for me as I draw closer and I’m forced to sit on the edge of the group.

Across the circle Al rises. She stretches her arms above her head then cranes her neck to one side, then the other, as though stretching. Our eyes meet and she angles her head to the right again, only this time the movement is more deliberate – a sharp sideways nod towards the river. She wants to talk to me.

She disappears into the darkness before I can respond.