‘Yes, I understand that. It’s just that this bottle no longer has a metal lid.’

‘Well, there you go.’ Invisible but conclusive shrug. ‘Even if you had it, you could only track the water back to the factory, not onwards to the point of sale. But anyhow, you don’t have the lid, so there’s absolutely no point in your flying over to see us.’

The thought of the eccentric Englishwoman showing up on Evian’s doorstep had concentrated her mind very effectively. Just as I had a mental image of her in a Chanel suit, immaculately coiffed and manicured, so she must have a picture of me, some obsessed mad person rabbiting on about beach flotsam.

After she had hung up, I stared at the bottle for a while. So how had the letter-writer sealed it so effectively just with tape to make it waterproof? I decided to try and pick away the white sticky tape that had formed the seal. And suddenly I caught a glimpse of something blue beneath the glue. With all the excitement of a treasure hunter I picked away more scabs of adhesive and then chiselled out the encrusted lid. I could feel my heart beat faster, and wondered at my own reaction to such a minute discovery.

From: Karen Liebreich

To Director of External Relations, Danone

Subject: Letter in a Bottle

Dear [Mme Evian],

Please excuse me for continuing to pester you about this letter in the bottle. After we spoke last week, I was rather disappointed. But then I had another closer look at the bottle, and began to pick off the tape and glue, and in fact the top is there, although quite damaged by the glue and by my efforts to ease it out from the plastic lid where it had got wedged.

The code on the lid is: 297 19:34.

What does that mean?

I know you are away travelling, and these requests for information must be rather irritating, but I feel I must follow this trail right to the end.

Thank you very much for your help,

Regards,

Karen

From: [Mme Evian]

To: Karen Liebreich

Subject: Letter in a Bottle

Herewith some answers to your queries, but I CAN DO NO MORE:

Here are the details about the production of this bottle:

• This Millennium 2002 bottle was produced on 24 October 2001.

• It comes from a ‘box’ production, in other words a presentation stand for large areas intended for the metro.

• During that day, 24 October 2001, we produced 130 boxes, in other words 60,840 bottles.

• During the week of 22–26 October 2001 we produced 649 boxes, in other words 303,732 bottles.

But you must consider that an English citizen could buy this bottle in France and return to England with it . . . so you really are hunting for a needle in a haystack.

For us the matter is now completely terminated.

Regards.