“The next one,” he said after a while, “was called Fenne. She was small, bright and chirpy, a real gold-crest. She wasn’t frightened of me at all. Once, on the anniversary of my first haircut, my coming of age, we’d both drunk too much mead and… ha, ha. Straight after, I jumped out of bed and ran to the mirror. I must admit I was disappointed, and despondent. The trap was the same as it ever was, if with a slightly more stupid expression. And they say the wisdom of ages is to be found in fairy tales. It’s not worth a shit, wisdom like that, Geralt.

“Well, Fenne quickly tried to make me forget my worries. She was a jolly girl, I tell you. Do you know what she thought up? We’d both frighten unwanted guests. Imagine: a guest like that enters the courtyard, looks around, and then, with a roar, I charge at him on all fours with Fenne, completely naked, sitting on my back and blowing my grandfather’s hunting horn!”

Nivellen shook with laughter, the white of his fangs flashing. “Fenne,” he continued, “stayed with me for a year, then returned to her family with a huge dowry. She was preparing to marry a tavern owner, a widower.”

“Carry on, Nivellen. This is interesting.”

“You think so?” said the monster, scratching himself between the ears with a rasping sound. “All right. The next one, Primula, was the daughter of an impoverished knight. The knight, when he got here, had a skinny horse, a rusty cuirass and incredible debts. He was as hideous as cow dung, I tell you, Geralt, and spread a similar smell. Primula, I’d wager my right hand, was conceived while he was at war, as she was quite pretty. I didn’t frighten her either, which isn’t surprising, really, as compared to her parent I might have appeared quite comely. She had, as it turned out, quite a temperament and I, having gained some self-confidence, seized the moment by the horns. After two weeks Primula and I already had a very close relationship. She liked to pull me by the ears and shout, ‘Bite me to death, you animal!’ and ‘Tear me apart, you beast!’ and other equally idiotic things. I ran to the mirror in the breaks, but just imagine, Geralt, I looked at myself with growing anxiety. Less and less did I long to return to my former shape. You see, Geralt, I used to be a weakling and now I’d become a strapping fellow. I’d keep getting ill, I’d cough, my nose would run, but now I don’t catch anything. And my teeth? You wouldn’t believe how rotten my teeth had been! And now? I can bite through the leg of a chair. Do you want me to bite a chair leg?”

“No, I don’t.”

“Maybe that’s good.” The monster opened his mouth wide. “My showing-off used to amuse the girls and there aren’t many whole chairs left in the house.” Nivellen yawned, his enormous tongue rolling up into a tube.