I took a glass of orange juice from a passing waiter’s tray. I didn’t like champagne, and didn’t want to drink anything alcoholic before we performed to such a starry and select crowd. Even though it was just one acoustic number, I wanted to give the best performance I’d ever given.

‘Or,’ I said, ‘we could’ve done a press release saying that we were offered this big swanky launch with ten grand’s worth of booze and cocktail sausages, but we turned it down and gave the dosh to homeless people. That’d get us publicity, right?’

‘Might do,’ said Marsh, lighting up his rollie and using an empty glass as an ashtray, ‘but it’s a bit late now.’

‘Shame,’ said Spike. ‘It’s a top idea. Wish we’d have thought of it earlier.’

The boys, once more, all looked slightly sheepish. I knew that our huge advance didn’t sit well with many of our fans either, who’d been very vociferous about it – sending letters written in green ink to the NME about how we’d sold out, and so on. But as Iain McKinnon, our new marketing manager, explained, the size of the advance had a direct correlation with how much the company would promote us, so in terms of giving our music the best possible chance to reach a big audience, it was the one thing that could ensure our worldwide success.

‘Give the money away if you don’t want it, hey?’ he’d said, his smooth forehead furrowed with confusion at the idea that anybody would be that insane.

In the end we all agreed to make sizeable donations to charity, and I actually did it. I wasn’t a hundred percent sure that the boys had got around to it yet, but that was for their consciences to worry about. None of my business. Marsh bought his parents a new three-piece suite, so perhaps that was his idea of ‘giving back’.

They were here tonight – a nice middle-aged couple, her in pearls and twinset, him in slacks and a tie, standing awkwardly against the wall, drinking juice and looking nervous whenever a waiter appeared with canapés. ‘You should talk to your mum and dad,’ I chided, poking Marsh in the side.

He rolled his eyes. ‘Man, it’s so embarrassing they’re even here. I didn’t think they’d really come when I invited them. They hardly ever leave Northamptonshire.’

‘You’re lucky to have them,’ I said wistfully.