For several minutes neither said anything. Then Eliana took his hand. “I need some time alone to think. I can’t be with you for a while.”

Ross felt a tremendous fear rise within him and with it the familiar walls he had relied on for so many years. He was retreating, he knew it, and though he feared it, he feared it not nearly as much as the possibility of losing her. He rubbed his hand across his face. “How long do you want me to go away for?”

“Maybe a week.” Her voice was apologetic.

He took a deep breath then slowly exhaled. “I’ll be waiting for your verdict.” He walked to the door.

Seeing him this way filled her with pain. “Where will you go?”

He shrugged. “I’ll know when I get there. I’m good at going nowhere.” Then he looked at her; his eyes were honest and clear. “I love you, Eliana. Nothing will ever change that.”

Then he walked out of the room. She heard him descend the stairs, heard her front door shut. The door echoed as if the home was empty: as empty as her heart. She looked at the unfinished portrait on the floor. She went to it; she touched his face. It had been a long time since anyone had told her that he loved her. It might never come again. Is this really what life exacted of her? To live without love. It seemed too great a price for any woman. A life without love seemed not only pointless, it seemed more than she could bear.

CHAPTER 22

“Gatto scottato dall’acque calda, ha paura della fredda.” The scalded cat fears cold water.

—Italian Proverb

“Oftentimes, too often, the most vital of life’s decisions are not made by deliberation, but rather by momentum. This is a mistake. It is like waiting to reach the ground before deciding when to open your parachute.”

—Ross Story’s diary

The sun had hours earlier fallen into the Tyrrhenian Sea and was displaced by a rising moon as the train squealed into the Pisa station, waking Ross from his thoughts. It was an odd, painful predicament to be in—to be hurting over the prospect of losing someone who was never his. Anna’s question of the other day still dangled before him. Where are you going with this? Eliana had somehow changed everything. He had been a fool to get close to someone he could never have.

Ross called Francesca from the train and apologetically told her that he would be gone for a while.

She sensed his anxiety and replied kindly, “Don’t concern yourself, my friend. Everything will be okay here. Just hurry back.”

Ross thanked her. As he hung up he wondered if he’d ever see her again.

Ross really didn’t know where he was going, as his only thought had been to leave Florence. At the train station he had noticed that there was a direct train traveling from Pisa to Switzerland. He had wanted to see the Chagall stained-glass windows of the Fraumunster Church in Zurich, and though it was as good a destination as any, he changed his mind. The idea of leaving Italy made him feel dark inside. It had been hard enough leaving Rendola.