BooksBarbecue
Back The Last Guests
Chapters (54)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Epigraph
  4. PROLOGUE
  5. PART ONE
  6. ONE
  7. TWO
  8. THREE
  9. FOUR
  10. DEADLY SAS RAID IN AFGHANISTAN UNDER SCRUTINY
  11. FIVE
  12. SIX
  13. SEVEN
  14. EIGHT
  15. NINE
  16. TEN
  17. ELEVEN
  18. TWELVE
  19. THIRTEEN
  20. FOURTEEN
  21. FIFTEEN
  22. SIXTEEN
  23. SEVENTEEN
  24. EIGHTEEN
  25. NINETEEN
  26. TWENTY
  27. PART TWO
  28. TWENTY-ONE
  29. TWENTY-TWO
  30. TWENTY-THREE
  31. TWENTY-FOUR
  32. TWENTY-FIVE
  33. TWENTY-SIX
  34. TWENTY-SEVEN
  35. TWENTY-EIGHT
  36. TWENTY-NINE
  37. DANIEL MOORE: ‘A SINGLE BLOKE, HAPPY-GO-LUCKY, A BIT OF A DUNCE BUT WITH A GOOD HEART,’ BEST FRIEND SAYS.
  38. THIRTY
  39. THIRTY-ONE
  40. THIRTY-TWO
  41. THIRTY-THREE
  42. THIRTY-FOUR
  43. THIRTY-FIVE
  44. BREAKING: POLICE CONFIRM DANIEL MOORE ACTED ALONE
  45. THIRTY-SIX
  46. THIRTY-SEVEN
  47. THIRTY-EIGHT
  48. THIRTY-NINE
  49. SECOND ARREST MADE IN WESTAY HIDDEN CAMERAS CASE
  50. EPILOGUE
  51. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
  52. Discover More
  53. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  54. Also by J. P. Pomare

‘You’ll have to get down to see it in person sometime,’ Cain says. ‘I can’t believe you’ve not been before.’

‘Well, we’ll need to get all our travelling in this year.’

A pause. I watch Axel’s eyes shift, meet his wife’s. He almost seems earnest with a smile beginning at the edges of his lips.

‘What?’ Cain says. ‘What is it?’

I know. Before another word is spoken, I just know. We’ve talked about it ourselves, Cain and I. When will Axel and Claire start trying. I know before she says, ‘We’re having a baby.’ Before Cain gets up and hugs Axel hard, and kisses Claire. Before Cain says, ‘Better get you a top-shelf whisky.’ Before it all happens, I know. I feel sick watching it play out in slow motion before me, trying so hard to smile but feeling like tears could break through at any moment. Why aren’t I happy for them?

The boys head to the bar for the whisky and Claire’s hand touches mine again. ‘Lina,’ she says. ‘Are you okay? I’m sorry I know it’s hard with…’ A pause. She almost looks guilty. Like Cain’s non-existent sperm count is somehow her fault. ‘You know, I’ve been so nervous about telling you.’

‘Were you trying?’

‘It doesn’t matter,’ she says. ‘It just happened I guess. We weren’t not trying.’ A guilty look. ‘I had a bottle of wine that night you guys came over, whoops. But I didn’t know then and the doctor said not to stress about it. We conceived a few weeks before that.’

I swallow. Squeeze her hand back. ‘I’m happy for you,’ I say. My own desperation has mutated, now I feel a roaring jealousy, frustration and shame. I feel it all rushing about my body. Burning the skin at the back of my neck, my cheeks. Drilling down through my sternum. I’ve not been drinking in case I fell pregnant. I’ve been taking the vitamins for years, forcing Cain to stick to our schedule. We spent so much on IVF and alternative treatments. We’ve been desperate and now it has just happened for Claire and Axel.

‘I’m happy for you guys. Really I am.’ I’ve risked everything to try to make it happen for us. It might have worked, I think now. You’ll know very soon.

The boys are coming back and I don’t even want to guess how much Cain just spent on the whiskies in their hands, served neat. Their glasses clash then they take a sip. Cain seems genuinely happy. I wish I had that. Loyalty to the happiness of those I care about. Another rule of his: squash envy, kill jealousy, celebrate your friends and family. It’s usually such an endearing trait but right now it only makes me sadder.