I think of the broken handle on the cutlery drawer at home, a stray spoon was lodged and it wouldn’t open, he’d ripped it off in frustration. The year he returned from Afghanistan he was going to physio three times a week, a therapist once and taking handfuls of painkillers and antidepressants. Are those old demons from the war back? Has he been going through hell again right under my nose?

‘He’s doing okay,’ I say. ‘He might have been a little bit off the last few weeks but he’s been training hard and getting in the right head space.’

‘Yeah,’ she says. ‘Well, Axel wants to open a second gym and after this renovation, money has become really tight for us. I’m sure it took a bit of pressure off when he stopped charging Cain for the use of the gym but now he wants to give Cain a loan, to help him get things moving.’

I can feel blood rushing to my own cheeks now. Axel isn’t charging Cain anymore? How are we still going backwards when my income is enough to cover the bills? ‘But Cain’s business is doing okay,’ I say. ‘What do you mean get things moving?’

She doesn’t say the word ‘Oh’, but her mouth forms the shape, those perfect eyebrows lift a fraction.

‘Claire,’ I say, my voice firm.

‘Shit, I’ve put my foot in it.’ She clamps a hand to her forehead, swings her head away then back to me. ‘Pretend I never said anything. Please?’ She tosses her free hand as if dismissing the entire conversation. ‘Let the boys figure it out, I don’t know why I brought it up.’

‘I mean, yeah, I knew the business was struggling,’ I say, ‘but he doesn’t need a loan.’ I feel sick thinking about it. We’ve wasted so much money the last couple of years. No secrets, he promised.

‘Yeah,’ she says.

Oh my God, I think recognising the sadness in her eyes, she actually feels sorry for me.

‘I just wanted to make sure he was okay. You know what those boys are like. It’s not in their blood to ask for help.’

I try to smile. ‘Sure.’ I check my phone. It’s almost time for me to go.

The boys look up from an iPad as we enter the house and their conversation stops. ‘What’s up?’ Cain says, the booze melting the hard consonants.

‘Nothing, I was just admiring the view out there. Incredible, Axel. You guys have done such a good job with the renovation.’

Claire strides into the room, places one hand on Axel’s shoulder and replaces his glass on the coaster with the other.

‘Sorry darling, we’re still talking about WeStay,’ he says. ‘I’ve almost convinced him.’