“Yes.” He stepped farther away, and I slid down from the counter, my knees nearly collapsing beneath me. He lunged forward, but I steadied myself in time and held up a hand to keep him at a distance. He was right; we’d gone too far, too fast.

“Do you have any ciabatta?” I asked, trying to think of what I could pull together based on the things I’d seen in his refrigerator and pantry.

He blinked blankly. “What’s that?”

“Men.” I heaved a teasing sigh. “You’re all hopeless.”

I went to his pantry and found a loaf in the breadbox, then dug around until I found the other things I needed.

“What are you doing?” he asked, hovering behind me.

“Making bruschetta. It won’t take long, and after the day we’ve had, I think we deserve something nice.”

“Do you need help?”

“No.” I waved him out of the kitchen. “It won’t take long.”

“You know, when I suggested we make dinner, I didn’t mean you had to do it.”

I smiled. “I know. But it’s nice to have something to do.”

True to my word, fifteen minutes later I served up bruschetta with a salad on the side. We sat at his table and ate, neither of us speaking much. I kept an eye on him, noticing how his shoulders stayed up near his ears. They were tight. In fact, his entire body was rigid.

I finished eating and wiped my fingers on a napkin.

“You look tense. Would you like a shoulder rub?” It was the least I could do, considering I was the cause of his stress.

He shook his head. “No. It’s just,”—he sighed—“it’s not every day that a man dies in front of me.”

My stomach dropped. “I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine how that must have felt.”

And it was all my fault. He wouldn’t be involved in this mess if not for me.

“It’s something I could happily never experience again.” He buried his face in his hands. “I just keep picturing the way the light faded from behind his eyes, as though someone had flicked off the switch.” His shoulders shuddered. “I’ve seen men die before, but not up close. It got to me.”

“That would get to anyone. I know it won’t help with the memories, but at least let me give you that massage. You guys have done everything today and I hate feeling useless. I’m not used to doing nothing.”

He looked up and met my eyes. “Is that really a good idea after what happened earlier?”

I raised my chin. “We can behave like adults.” Maybe.

“Okay.” He pushed his chair back. “Let’s do the dishes first.”

Together, we tidied up and packed the dishes into the dishwasher, then I ordered him to his bedroom while I dashed to the spare room to dig through my toiletries. I returned to find him sitting on the edge of his bed.

“You’ll need to take your shirt off and lie facedown.”