The SERVANT runs off as JOAN turns straight onto the SCRIBE, looking at what he’s written.

How’re we doing?

SCRIBE. I’m just… recording my lady’s last…

JOAN (cutting him off. Peering at the page). You haven’t written it all down. Don’t pretend you’ve written it all down, I can see, I can read, the last thing you wrote down was ‘salt’, we’re way past salt. Don’t make me say it again, don’t make me repeat myself.

The SCRIBE is nodding, trying to placate her, scribbling frantically.

Tell me you can write faster than that.

SCRIBE. It’s just a question of clarity… forming the letters so that…

JOAN. What do you want to do, illuminate the margins?! I don’t have time for this!

(Reading as he scribbles.) ‘Bread’, wonderful, you’ve caught up… Are we done on food? Can we leave the food? What comes after food?

Wine. Wine. I know baby King Henry won’t want any but his retinue will definitely pack it away. Have to buy it. No way round it.

Another SERVANT enters.

SERVANT TWO. My lady, someone is here from…

JOAN cuts him off with new instructions.

JOAN. Right, take the second-best plate, cut it into coins, get yourself down to the port and get anything you can find. How close are they? That’s what we need to know because if we’ve to send all the way to Dover for wine…

The SERVANTS cross running in and out, JOAN is straight on the one returning.

Have we seen any outriders yet?

SERVANT ONE. Yes, my lady, they’re just…

JOAN. Oh God save me, they’re nearly here!

It’s alright, it’s alright, we’ll get the present first. They’re bound to be sending someone ahead with a present. Please God let it be a minstrel. We’ve no one with a voice since Blind Eric choked on an apple. I might have to sing if they don’t send a minstrel…

SERVANT ONE. It’s…

JOAN (cutting over her, pushing her off). Get someone out on the roads and get them to grab anyone with a lute sticking out their pack. I’m not fussy at this point, as long as he can croak a madrigal.

The SERVANT runs off as MEG enters and stands, waiting quietly.

(To SCRIBE.) Where are we? Food, wine, music…

JOAN sees MEG and stops.

MEG. Everyone was busy so I just came in.

JOAN. Who are you?

MEG. I’m your present.

JOAN. What?

MEG. I’m your present. From the King.

JOAN. I see.

Are you a musician?

MEG (laughing). Oh, save us no! I can’t keep tune better than a puddock.

JOAN. I see.

So… what can you do?

MEG. Anything you want me to, Lady Joan.

JOAN. What are my options?

MEG. I can milk a cow.

I can make a room smell sweet.

I can sew. Obviously.

JOAN. Anything more… interesting? I mean no offence but if you’re a present…

MEG. Oh, I’m here to teach you Scots. Everything about the Scots. About Scotland. What we eat, how we talk, how we dance…