But there were things about the relationship that made her doubt its legitimacy, primary among them the fact that they hadn’t ever done more than kiss. Tommy wasn’t pressuring her, which was nice. She sometimes wondered, though, if he wasn’t pressuring her because he was trying to avoid feeling guilty about not making her his girlfriend, like if held back physically, he didn’t owe her anything, didn’t have to commit himself, which wasn’t so nice. Also, if she was honest with herself, she wanted him to pressure her, wanted him to pressure her because she wanted him to want her. She wanted him. (Two weeks. She’d known Tommy for two weeks. She almost couldn’t believe the period had been so brief. She’d been with Patrick for two years and had felt none of this urgency. It was just different with Tommy.) But she didn’t think it was her place to initiate. Or, if she did have to initiate, she didn’t want it, if that made any sense. The lack of intimacy with him played on all her insecurities, too. She bet he and Camilla didn’t wait. Bet he couldn’t wait with Camilla, couldn’t hold himself back. Was he only interested in her, Alice wondered, because he could be relaxed around her? Would feel no uncomfortable heat or passion, no desires that his will couldn’t easily overmatch? That must’ve been it. She was restful for him, and after Camilla he needed a rest. Like, he didn’t have to worry that Alice would cheat on him or deceive him, and, since he had all the power, she couldn’t really hurt him either. No, she was more of a companion than a girlfriend. And at the word companion, her stomach began to heave, her palms to sweat.