‘You’ve come to me here, in the middle of the forest, to tell me about a family I haven’t thought about for half a century and to let me know that all its members have died . . . It’s a bit much, isn’t it?’

‘I acknowledge, it is a bit much. I should have been a little more tactful, but it’s not really my strong suit, being tactful.’

‘That’s not the point. When he was really little, my brother was already beating up the weakest kids so he could take things from them that he would only throw out later on. Our father was the same. He couldn’t stand people having something he didn’t have: mistresses, properties, businesses, horses, it was the same with everything. My mother was the jealous guardian of this nightmarish temple. As for my sister, she was just always trying to get all these weirdos to fall in love with her, but that didn’t work out too well for her because by seventeen she was doing her first alcohol detox and rehab. And the others, well, I didn’t even know they existed . . . no . . . I just find it surprising, that’s all.’

‘Find what surprising?’

‘That five people from one family die within a few months of each other . . . A convenient outcome, don’t you think?’

I could have been indignant, put on an act, but I remained impassive because for once I felt I shouldn’t lie. So I said nothing.

‘Is it the money you want? Is that it?’

‘Yes.’

‘And what would you do with it?’

‘Bring legal proceedings against polluting companies, engage in political lobbying and manipulate public opinion via social media. These days you can make people believe just about anything, it’s just a question of having the funds. My friend Hildegarde had the idea – using expert scientific evidence to support it – of putting the notion out there that the consumption of intensively farmed animals is the principal cause of the Alzheimer’s boom, due to toxins in the animals’ flesh resulting from the suffering they’re forced to endure their whole lives. And if we throw everything at it, I can guarantee you that after a few months there’ll be as many meat-eaters left as there are smokers. We’ll do the same with the handful of businesses that are responsible for almost 70 per cent of global warming. Tonnes of legal proceedings are in the process of being initiated and we’re starting to see results, especially those brought against agribusinesses. The convictions are even resulting in good payouts. We’re going to flush out victims from all around the world so they can file proceedings. We’ll pay for the best lawyers for them and pay for the expert witnesses just like the companies have always done. We’ll create the divine anarchy Mother has always dreamt of; you can’t refuse, because it’s what Mother would have wanted.’