Grandma missed out the C but I don’t think Mrs C Eckler is offended. No one knows what the C stands for. Some people think it’s Carol but I have a better idea. I think it stands for 100 because C is 100 in Roman numerals.

I don’t know why Grandma is pleased to see Mrs C Eckler. I’m about to be excluded from Intercalary International. Grandma extends her hand to Mrs C Eckler and says, ‘I am very pleased with the progress Elle is making in her PPF.’

I’m a Level 4, which is almost the equivalent of GCSE level, exceptional for a Seventh Year. I’m pleased Grandma is pleased, but I don’t think she knows what PPF really is. Grandma never learnt to read and write. Even though she can’t read herself and does know what it’s about, she won’t let me read Harry Potter because ‘na full of witchcrafts’. She doesn’t understand there are good witchcrafts and bad witchcrafts. Harry Potter is about good overcoming evil.

‘Yes, Mrs Ifíè. We are very proud of Elle. She is a clever girl. But . . .’

She pauses and I hold my breath. I know what she’s going to say.

‘Elle has been bullied by one of the other children. We take bullying very seriously at Intercalary International.’

My mouth falls open in a capital O for Oops. This is not what I was expecting. Even though it’s a good surprise, I still find it difficult to cope with the change. If I was talking, this would make me tongue-tied. But as I’m already tongue-tied, my heart beats fast like it wants to jump out of my chest. For a moment, I feel so panicked I wish Mrs C Eckler had excluded me. Big Ben says Oops is like when you drive your car five miles down a narrow country lane then suddenly have to reverse because a tractor’s coming from the opposite direction. Reversing back to the junction’s much harder than driving forwards. You could turn the steering wheel the wrong way and end up in a ditch.

Grandma is now sitting up in bed but I can tell she is in a lot of pain because her eyes are still scrunched like she’s just woken up. She looks at Mrs C Eckler, then at me.

‘On the seventh day, God took rest. Not the fourth.’ Her eyes go big as Jupiter. ‘Elle, why are you not in school?’

Mrs C Eckler speaks quickly.

‘Elle has been granted some time off while we deal with the bullying.’