I probably appear to be a somewhat ordinary,

somewhat average looking fellow.

Calm, harmless, at ease.

But this is by design.

You see, it is through decades of research and rigorous training

that I have crafted this façade of normalcy.

And now, through intense concentration,

I am able to function in a social setting.

I can speak at length with educated people about

pertinent matters of public importance,

such as literature,

or the current political climate in Europe.

I am capable of conversing with you

without ever revealing that just underneath the surface

of this manufactured veneer

there hides an altogether different person.

A monster, some might say.

My alter-ego.

He is the opposite of the image I project.

He is the antithesis of Cool.

He is the last person you want to get

trapped in a conversation with.

He is The Geek.

The obsessive science fiction movie watching,

comic book collecting,

Monty Python dialogue memorizing,

Dungeons and Dragons playing GEEK

that I struggle daily to keep hidden from the world.

But The Geek Wants Out.

He want to talk to you.

He wants to give you his doctoral dissertation on why

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension

is the greatest fucking film of all time!

He wants to bitch slap you because

you’ve never seen Big Trouble in Little China.

What? Have you been living in a fucking cave?!

He wants to kick your ass in Star Wars Trivial Pursuit.

And he will.

Because he’s a fucking Geek.

And he wants his toys.

He wants the complete set

in mint condition,

still in the box.

He wants every item on the planet

that is even remotely related to Ultraman.

Because Ultraman is Airwolf!

He could give a squirt of piss

about sports or politics or rhetoric.

Such things are of no consequence to him.

What matters is the release date of the

next Lord of the Rings movie!

You see, The Geek can’t wait.

The Geek has no patience.

He wants what he wants when he wants it.

And all he wants is stupid shit!

He wants his own TARDIS.

He wants his own light saber.

He wants to buy a DeLorean.

And he wants to drive it 88 miles per hour.

He wants movies.

He wants to see the Director’s Cut.

He wants the impossible to find Japanese bootleg with

6 minutes of never-before-seen footage.

He wants to watch Blade Runner. Again.

He wants to watch Brazil. Again.

He wants to watch A Clockwork Orange.

Again and Again!

But I deprive him of these things, as best I can,

until I can no longer ignore his voice

screaming in my head.

I am Jekyll. He is Hyde.

I am Bruce Banner. He is the Hulk.

Especially the Hulk from issues #272 to #378.

But no longer!

I am putting a stop to all this nerdy shit right now!

I’m an adult, for Christ’s sake!