“I don’t feel well.” I gave myself a mental shake. “I’ll be okay. Can you take me to see Juleen?”

“Maybe you should cancel?”

“No, no. I’m just a bit logy. Let’s go.”

He gave me a look and took me to see my daughter.

I lasted until nine. I called him to take me back. I headed straight for the bedroom.

He said, “You didn’t eat anything.”

“I’m not hungry.” I pulled the bedsheets over my head. The next time I woke up, he was coming in from working. I muttered out for the time.

“Three-fifteen. How are you feeling?”

“Okay.” I sprayed minty droplets down my throat and rolled onto my back.

“You’re sure about this?” he said.

“I’m fine.” He was quick, and I was grateful. Afterward, as I was lying in his arms, he said, “Anything I can do for you, baby?”

I didn’t mind having sex with him. That was the deal we struck when I came back to him three years after high school—sex for support. I could close my eyes and be far, far away. But at the moment, his lugubrious voice made me cringe. “I’m okay, but thanks.”

I got up to wash off. When I came back, I went to the other side of the bed and buried myself in the covers.

He finally spoke. “You’re still pissed at me.”

And of course I was. When I was married to him, I was so used to being sexually mistreated, it felt almost normal. But after eleven years with Devek, eleven years of a reprieve, I realized just how utterly abusive he had been. I was seething inside. But, if I wanted to see my son again, I had no choice but to swallow the indignity. Seeing Sanjay in that video gave me infinite heartache, but it also gave me hope. I said, “I’m fine, Chris. I’m just tired.”

“And that’s why you’re on the other side of the canyon?”

“I’m not myself,” I said. “I need space.”

He was quiet. Then he said, “Do you also need all the bedcovers?”

I picked my head up. The duvet was falling off my side of the bed. “Oh, sorry …” I yanked the heavy bedcovers off the floor and gave him his fair share. “Sorry.”

“S’right. Just want to know the rules.” I didn’t answer. A moment later, he said, “You want to talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about. I’m not mad. Let’s just go to sleep.”

A sigh. “Okay … I’ll take you at your word.”

The next thing I remember was someone shaking me. My heart was beating out of my chest. Chris’s voice. “… having a bad dream.”

I slowly roused. “A nightmare.” My eyes were wet. I was panting. “Did I wake you up?”

“Your arms were flailing. You bonked me in the face.”