He shrugged. “Does it bother you?”

“I dunno.” I picked up my fork and put it down. “I just never … realized.”

“My first experiences were with men.”

I nodded.

He said, “Terry, my love, I’m not homosexual, I’m not heterosexual, I’m not bisexual. I’m just sexual. I’ll screw anything. And back then, I certainly did. That much fucking …” He took a bite of his chicken. “Even at thirty-four … you need help. I was taking a lot of little blue pills along with shooting up. Then, one day, I woke up horny and realized I couldn’t get a hard-on.” He finished a third chicken breast, then pushed his plate away. “This was about four, maybe five years ago. I’d say approaching forty was my midlife crisis, but my life has always been one crisis after another. Whatever it was, I knew I had to change. All that debauchery took its toll. I was an addict, an alcoholic, and a fat-ass to boot. I was around fifty pounds overweight. It took about six months, but I finally got off the shit. I stopped smoking; I cut down on my drinking. I told Talia it was over personally and started exclusively paying for it, which slowed me down sexually. I began to eat right and exercise something other than my dick, and the weight came off. That’s when I started concentrating on work. I turned it around.”

I managed a smile. “Good for you.”

“I wasn’t happy exactly … more like calm.” Quoting me. Then he grinned. “And God rewarded me by fucking up your life.”

That was the Chris Donatti I knew. “My life certainly did get fucked up.”

“Hey.” He picked up my chin and stared until my eyes met his. “I dropped everything and came to you when Gabe called.”

“Yes, you did.” I leaned over the table and tucked white hair behind his ear. “Thank you for saving my life. And thank you for saving Juleen’s life. I’m sure she’s a sore spot for you.”

“I don’t hold it against her. Plus, it helps that she looks like you.” He paused. “I will do everything I can to get your son back.” He took my left hand, played with my engagement ring, and then he kissed it. “You want dessert?”

“I’m okay.”

“Do you want to go back?”

“Please.”

He peered at me with his intense blue eyes. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” I gave him a weak smile. “Thank you very much for dinner.”

“You’re welcome. Can I see you again sometime?” I tried another smile. He shook his head, stood up, and tousled my hair. “Terry, my love, don’t look so scared. It was over a decade ago. I’m assuming that Devek is still alive.” He pulled out my chair and helped me up. “And if the man’s heart is no longer beating, I had nothing to do with it.”