Contents ( 34)
She winced as she recalled how stubborn and cold and cruel she had been to her mother when she was Rae’s age. Nothing was right, nothing was enough, and she was so consumed by the injustice of this that she was brimming with spite and disgust. Lisa tried to remember if Poppy had been this way as a teenager, and thought not. Poppy had always been ferocious yet sure-footed. Lisa wondered what a mother can do to give her daughter a sure footing when the daughter is so convinced that the world, the very ground she walks on, is ill suited to her existence and conspiring against her every step.
Down at the beach, Ryan had decided to go for a walk after overhearing several other beachgoers who were seated nearby discussing a swarm of jellyfish that had washed up on the shore the night before. The sand, they said, was littered with the small, transparent, circular bodies. Ryan approached the group and asked how far away the jellyfish were.
A man in a wetsuit said, “About fifteen minutes thataway,” thumbing north. “Whole beach covered with ’em. Happens every July.” He held up a fist to indicate the size. “Moon jellies. Ten thousand of ’em.”
The woman next to him sported two brick-red French braids that reached all the way to her hips, and she was so thickly freckled that her skin had an odd grayish hue. She said, “They’re worth seeing, if you’ve never seen ’em.”
Ryan announced to the others in his group that he was going to check out the jellyfish. John and Alex both appeared to be sleeping, with shirts over their heads.
Kimmy leapt to her feet. “That sounds cool. I’ll come with you.”
Rae, who was fanning her face with her book, was horrified by her sister’s audacity—Kimmy’s unbridled enthusiasm at the opportunity to spend one-on-one time with Ryan was downright mortifying.
Rae set her book at her side and removed her sunglasses to glare harshly at Kimmy. She hissed, “You can’t just invite yourself along on his walk, you nitwit. Obviously he wants to go by himself.”
Rae’s eyes darted toward Ryan, expecting a private look of appreciation. To Rae’s dismay, Ryan didn’t even glance in her direction. His eyes were on Kimmy, who had visibly shrunk at her sister’s reprimand. Kimmy twisted her arms uncomfortably around each other. She said, “I guess that’s true,” and made a move to sit back down on her towel.
Instead, Ryan said, “It’s fine, I don’t mind the company.”
Kimmy looked to Rae for approval, or permission, or maybe to punctuate this small victory.
Rae said softly, “I just thought . . .” Then she shoved her sunglasses back onto her face and stared hard at the water. She felt like a balloon that had just been popped, wormy and shapeless now, trash.
Ryan said, “You should come too, Rae, I think it’s gonna be cool.” He cracked his knuckles and the muscles of his brown forearms shifted and bulged.