‘I decided to come now before the children come home,’ says Peter. ‘I’m sorry on their account. But we have orders. We have to obey them when they are given.’

The arrow polisher has something on the tip of his tongue but cannot turn it into sound. Peter is aware of it, and asks ‘Is there anything you would like to say? Any wish?’

The arrow polisher shakes his head. Silence, silence, he tells himself. He wants this. It is the only solution for him, and he knows it. What’s the use of it? But he wants it. I want to go through with it.

He looks at the desk with Freda’s scratches on it. Freda, he calls inwardly. But then he shakes his head again. He has no wish.

Peter’s face is white, now as always. He steps nearer.

He says quietly, ‘Will you cover your eyes with your hand?’

Yes, he will.

19

Acceptance

Hold up your heads! You’re not to blame.

The two slender adolescent children barely look up from where they are lying in the abyss.

Did someone say that?

They have locked themselves in, crushed by the collapse of their home. People came and took care of their father. They themselves have been forced to go out once or twice. They felt all eyes were on them, that people fell silent wherever they entered in order to buy food. They hurried home again. They are down in the abyss, and feel as if they will never be able to climb out of it.

They cannot take in what has happened, so it is useless to try to clarify it. They think of the despised job the arrow polisher had; how the two of them had upbraided him about his work, and despised him in their hearts, they too. It seems to them now that it was terrible to have done so, now when there should be every reason for it. And they think of how their friends were influenced by the general opinion of him held by the house, and how it had hurt them and isolated them. But it had passed over and their friends had returned. Then this happened. What was it that took possession of their father so that he was carried over the edge?

Now they are lying down there with him.

They talk to nobody now. But they have learned that it was none other than Stig whom he had on his conscience. It has shocked them even more. This is the end for them too.

Everyone’s face turns strange when they approach.

They do not talk much to one another about these things. People came and did what had to be done, and no one had felt like talking to them. The few friendly words that were said were spoken from a sense of obligation, they thought, and it made the moment even more embarrassing. And then these people went back to their own kind, where no shame weighted them down.