He Is Tender and Gentle

Let me tell you a little more about my background before I continue. My father is a World War II veteran. He is ninety-three years old, and I love him dearly. My dad taught me many things that have greatly benefitted me over the course of my life. However, one thing that he did not prepare me for was how to be married to a woman. Peter once said, “Treat your wife with understanding as you live together” (1 Peter 3:7 NLT). When I married Lisa, I did not treat her “with understanding.” Lisa was the first love of my life. I had not been in intimate friendship with another woman before her. So I treated her like one of the guys. As you can imagine, this approach was not successful. I had to learn how to interact with her as a woman.

One thing I had to learn was how to speak to Lisa with gentleness. Unfortunately, there have been times when I have communicated roughly with members of my family. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit convicts me, and then I am able to apologize and make things right. One time I really messed up with one of my sons, and I had to go to him and apologize. He was quick to forgive me, and everything was great between us. With Lisa, it was a different story. She was upset with me for a few days because of the harsh way I had spoken to my son. This wasn’t an issue of offense; it is the natural byproduct of her sensitivity in relationships. My son and I reconciled almost immediately, but I had to put a little work into restoring my communion with my wife. Two days after the incident, she said to me, “I’m still reeling from the way you spoke to our son.” I have learned that this is a gift in Lisa’s life. Like many women, she is extremely relational and very protective of those who are close to her.

Could it be that the Holy Spirit also possesses this great relational strength that we typically consider to be feminine? The Bible says, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God” (Ephesians 4:30). As Rick Renner points out in Sparkling Gems from the Greek, the word translated here as grieve conveys “deep sorrow and distress.” It comes from a word denoting a pain that can only be experienced between two people who deeply love each other. So what Paul is essentially saying is, “Don’t grievously hurt the One who deeply loves you.” Now let’s read this scripture in context:

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow [grief] to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you. (Ephesians 4:29-32 NLT)