“That’s your father you’re talking about,” her mother said.

“Yes. It is. And I know that I’ll protect my child in a way you didn’t protect me. I had to leave, Mom. I had to leave to protect myself because you wouldn’t. Ryder had to step in to protect me because you wouldn’t. And now he wants... He wants to love me. And I’m scared. Because I’m afraid that somehow I’m not worth it, and that comes from you. And I swear to God, Mom, I will never let my child feel that way. Ever.”

“You always were above yourself, Sammy. Some people have to live hard. It’s not their fault one way or the other.”

She looked at her mother, and she saw that she really believed that. That her mom believed that this was some kind of hand of fate, and that they couldn’t have escaped it even if they’d wanted to.

And Sammy realized that by surrendering to the pain in her life she was living that way, too.

That because she had been born into something hard, she was letting herself have half. Have less.

And it was easy, she realized. Easier than asking for more.

Her mother wasn’t under her father’s thumb, not anymore. But it was still fear that ran her life. And suddenly, it all became clear.

“At some point, it is your fault,” Sammy said. “It wasn’t your fault he abused you. But what about your life now? At some point, if you don’t make the choice to demand more, to demand better, if you don’t stop hiding, it is your fault. This is my fault. It’s my fault, this thing with Ryder. He loves me. And I’ve been too afraid to open myself up and let him, because Dad made me so terrified to ask for it. To think that I could want it. And you... You’ve never done a damn thing to make me feel like I deserved it.”

“Why should you deserve it?” her mom asked. “Why should you deserve it when I didn’t?”

Sammy’s heart twisted. She felt a certain amount of sympathy for the woman standing in front of her. The woman who looked so much like her. With curly blond hair and bright blue eyes. But she was defeated. And this was what happened when you didn’t let love into your life. This was the future she had to look forward to. A baby wouldn’t save her from it.

A positive attitude and the best of intentions wouldn’t save her from it.

If she let her issues become bigger than hope, then this was what waited for her.

She had seen a glimpse of it a couple months ago when she had decided that she wanted to change rather than stay in the past. But she had decided to do physical things to make that change. And she had ignored the very real spiritual healing that needed to happen inside her.

Because that was the hardest part.