“I mean, okay, it probably is labor, but I also might have had bad cheese?” I said hopefully, as a kind nurse handed me a gown and instructed me to change and lie down in our very posh hospital room that I hoped we did not actually need yet. I did as I was told, while Nick finished filling out some paperwork and called my mother.

“Let’s check to see what the situation is here,” the nurse said, delicately turning up the gown as Nick jogged back in the room. She nodded thoughtfully. “Right. Well. Do not push, love,” she said.

“Hell no. I am not pushing until I have had all of the drugs,” I said.

She smiled at me. “We’re too far along for that, I’m afraid.”

“I’m sorry, what? No,” I said. “We cannot have missed the drug window.”

“You are ten centimeters and most definitely in labor,” she said. “These babies are coming now.”

“Now?” I said, looking from her kind face to Nick’s ashen one. Panic gripped me. “Like, now now?”

“Now enough that I can tell you Baby A is not bald,” she said. “Your doctor is on the way.”

“No. Sorry. I’m not done being pregnant yet,” I said nonsensically. “I’ve only just started being able to rest a full dinner plate on my bump. We haven’t decided on names. We haven’t even talked about names.” I grabbed her hand. “Please. I’m freaking out. We could do a couple of drugs. I won’t tell anyone.”

“I would also like some drugs at the moment,” Nick said, disentangling me from the nurse. “But I don’t think it’s going to happen. Take a deep breath, Bex. It’s going to be okay. This is all absolutely under control, right…” He peered at her name tag. “Brenda?”

“Absolutely, Your Royal Highness,” she said.

Nick shook his head. “No titles,” he said. “No formalities. We’re Nick and Bex, and we’re proper frightened right now.”

Brenda pulled out a machine and did a quick scan of my belly. “Solid heartbeats,” she said. “That’s very promising.”

She scurried out to get an update on the whereabouts of my medical team, leaving me and Nick clutching at each other, pale.

“Did you call Mom?”

“Yes.”

“Lacey?”

“Yes.”

“And I have a meeting with Bea tomorrow, you need to let her know I can’t come to work.”

“I’ll sort it,” Nick said.

“And call Cilla.”

“Roger that.”

Brenda popped her head back in. “Good news on the drug front,” she said. “You’re going to do a C-section. The doctor thinks it’s safest since we don’t know why the twins have decided to come early. Sir, er, Nick, go scrub up, and you’ll meet her in the operating theater.”