She handed me her phone, but I already knew what it would show: a blurry, blown-up photo of me and Freddie as Niles and Margot, the day we had ice cream in the park. It went viral after some random person spotted us in the background of her vacation photos and decided we looked familiar. (@KingIdrisElba had responded to her that Freddie was dressed like he “lives in a van down by the river.”) It was the first real test of the new world order in which Nick had to accept that Freddie and I had our own separate friendship, and other than a brief comment about our recklessness, he’d taken it like a champ (or at least bitten back anything else that was on his mind). But social media, as always, had its suspicions, and as I scrolled through them I ended up clicking over to the Instagram account of a guy called Duchess Dreadful, who’d used it as evidence that Freddie and I were still having a torrid affair. E! News disagreed, putting it side by side with another one of me and Freddie and pointing out all the ways it couldn’t be us; a user called GOOPSux had written, “OMG it’s not Freddie, it’s Homeless Beachy Gwyneth Paltrow.” Gwynnie herself had responded, “#goals.”

“For the most part, people seem to think it’s absurd that you two would stroll out wearing daft wigs in what is essentially the front yard,” Eleanor said. “And they are not wrong. You look as if you’re trolling the park to buy cocaine.”

“We were not,” I said. “If it’s even us, which obviously it isn’t.”

“Of course not,” she said. “Certainly, no one in this family ever needed to procure illicit drugs from strangers, outdoors.” She cackled at the expression on my face. “You should see yourself. You look positively scandalized.” Her face went distant. “I did smoke grass once on Mustique in 1968. I ate an entire block of cheddar.”

“What?” I squeaked.

“This was very risky of you two,” she continued, snapping back to attention, “but it almost worked. I should give it a go.”

“What?” I squeaked.

“I could take the tunnels out,” she mused. “Although I suppose the tunnels might have caved in by now. God knows how many lovers of Georgina’s might be buried down there.”

“What?” I squeaked.

“Perhaps I will come to your sister’s wedding,” she concluded. “I’d like to see what a truly ordinary party looks like.” She frowned at me. “Do not say what. Your conversational skills are subpar today.”

“You hit me with a lot right there,” I said. “Where is all this coming from?”