“I get that we shouldn’t have left you high and dry,” Nick said tightly. “But you took something intangible from me, Freddie, and now you have the gall to act like I stabbed you through the heart when you fucking well slashed me through mine.”

His voice cracked at the end, and with it, so did part of me.

“And that’s it,” Freddie whispered. His face crumbled, and he looked smaller, and so sad. “That’s it right there. You’re never going to be able to forgive me. Not really.”

Nick covered his face with his hands, then let out a harsh laugh. “I mean, should I?” he said. “Everyone acts like I ought to. That night…I tried so hard. But when the adrenaline wore off and it all set in…” He wiped at his eyes. “You made a pass at Bex. You begged her to leave me. Why am I supposed to be the bigger man?”

“You’re not,” Freddie said. “But you’re my big brother. You’re the best of us. I believed you when you reached out to me that night, and then you left, and I was on an island. I had no one. I did what I could in order not to go mad.”

“And I’ve been slowly going mad instead,” Nick said. “I wanted to put this away. But I can’t. I can’t not wonder what you’re feeling when you hug Bex, or whether you’re flirting when you try to make her laugh. And don’t tell me I’m overreacting, because I missed it the first time and it’s nearly ruined me.”

Nick didn’t seem to know whether to be scared or relieved that he’d released the words he’d kept under his tongue for the last eight months. He wrapped his arms around his torso, as if to hold all the rest of his feelings inside. I was frozen, my hands cupped over my mouth, unsure whether to intervene or let Nick bleed this poison.

“And there’s nothing for it, then,” Freddie said raggedly. It should have been a question, but, heartbreakingly, was not.

Nick sank into the sofa. He was silent for a long moment. “I don’t think I can tell you what you want to hear,” he finally said, so quietly that I could barely hear him.

Freddie appeared to deflate. He nodded very, very slowly, started to move toward Nick, then caught himself and clenched his fists. Instead, he strode for the door.

“Freddie,” I said urgently. “You can’t leave. We can’t…”

But I didn’t know where to go from there.

Freddie paused in front of me and shrugged so helplessly. “We tried,” he said.

A world of love and loss and loneliness passed in the look we shared.

“I’m not giving up on this,” I insisted. “You can’t, either. We can fix this, Freddie.”