“I don’t feel right and I don’t know why. It’s normal to feel ashamed about what I did, but I should be able to get over it . . . I didn’t sleep all night, if you can imagine, me who snores like a lumberjack crew at the sight of a pillow. There’s got to be something about that guy that’s making me feel bad about how I behaved . . . But what? Sure I, liked him, or I wouldn’t have left La Cachette with him . . . But not enough to stay awake all night because I left him high and dry! Anyway I’m sure he just went back to the bar and looked for somebody else . . .”

To my horror Mélène stirred a little more sugar into her coffee, then said in a mock-lugubrious tone:

“Remorse may take many forms when it comes to prick the conscience of wrongdoers . . .”

“Mélène, for God’s sake, I’m trying to be serious!”

“What’m I supposed to say, Jean-Marc! That you missed the chance of a lifetime? You’ll probably never know! That you behaved like a son-of-a-bitch? That, you know. If you feel so guilty, try and find the guy, tell him you’re sorry and let’s get on with it! I’m sure as hell not going to let it spoil my weekend!”

I sighed and poured myself another coffee.

“That’s exactly what I’d do if I could. But I haven’t got his number. I don’t know how to get in touch with him and that’s why I’m in such a state.”

“Go back to the bar tonight.”

“I want to do something now!”

“Do you just want to apologize or do you want to see him again?”

“I don’t know. Both, probably. If he hadn’t told me he wanted to be an actor, likely I wouldn’t have run away . . .”

“The Luc syndrome again . . .”

“What else? Every time I meet an actor, and God knows they aren’t rationed in my wonderful world, I run like a scared rabbit. Which doesn’t mean I’m going to see a shrink about my actorphobia! Listen, let’s talk about something else, okay? Let’s finish painting that rotten fence and I promise I’ll be winsome and droll . . .”

Droll I wasn’t. The very opposite, in fact. I was grouchy all day and I did a lousy job on the fence. Mélène got impatient once or twice, which led to our first real battle since we bought the house. The day ended as badly as it had begun: the family supper we’d been planning all week took place without me. All the others were there, I heard them enjoying themselves through the ceiling while I sat home and sulked, not knowing why.