‘Help for the Ebola crisis,’ she said.

Help for mum’s extended family, I thought. But since this seemed to constitute at least a quarter of the population of Sierra Leone, the effect was going to be much the same. It was odd, that, because for a Fula my mum didn’t half have a lot of Temne and Susu relatives.

Melanie said that she’d always wanted to work somewhere like Sierra Leone once she was qualified – somewhere she could really make a difference – what did I think?

‘The beaches around Freetown are brilliant,’ I said, which got me a blank look.

But you can only tease white people for so long before the universe punishes you for it – in this case when my mum came into the main bar, spotted me and waved me over.

She was dressed like something out of an old photograph – black long-sleeved roll neck jumper and grey slacks. Around her neck hung a couple of thick gold ropes that I was amazed had made it through the family lean patch, and a high quality wig cut in an eighties bob. All she was missing was a beret.

When I joined her she pecked me on either cheek – continental style – which was just disturbing.

‘Peter kam ya, are wan talk to you,’ she said.

I sighed and let myself be drawn to quiet corner. When I was younger she only used to lapse into Krio with me when she was angry or she wanted me to do something like fetch her a cup of tea or go to the shops. Nowadays it’s a sign that she’s about to discuss something I don’t want to talk about.

‘You en Beverley don begin for lay down wit each other en?’

‘Mum,’ I said, with an involuntary whine.

‘Are hope say u dae use protection ooh.’

‘Of course we’re using protection,’ I said. ‘And it’s none of your business.’

‘U get for take tem en be careful.’

‘We’re always careful.’

My mum looked suddenly disappointed.

‘So you want tell me say e go tay before are see me gran pekin dem?’ she said.

‘I’m not sure that we’re quite at that stage yet.’

‘But Aunty Kadie en borbor get two pekin dem already,’ said my mum.

‘I know – you made me go to the christening, remember?’

‘An you big for ram.’

‘He has more time on his hands,’ I said.

‘E bette for born pekin way you young,’ said my mum. ‘It’s scientifically proven.’

‘Yes mum.’

‘I’d look after them,’ she said.

‘What?’

‘If you born now are go mend dem,’ she said. ‘That way you could both be about your business.’

I suddenly wondered if my mum could swim and whether I dared tell Beverley about the offer. Not now, I thought, not a good idea right now.