Roni wiped her eyes, staring at her fidgeting hands in her lap, not looking at him. He didn’t blame her, and he waited in silence for a long time, until she finally lifted her devastatingly sad eyes and said, “When was that?”

He sat beside her, thankful when she didn’t look away. “Two years ago on Halloween night was when he found me and I went to rehab. The reason I didn’t push for more with you after the auction was because the chemistry between us was so strong that first night when we talked. I’d never felt anything like it before. Then we started texting, and our texts were light and fun, and I loved every second of them. It was nice getting to know you without this hanging over my head, and I made the decision to wait until I’d been clean for two full years before really trying to get you to go out with me. I wanted to hit that milestone. I know it’s not a long history of being drug free, but it was important to me to be able to tell you I’d been clean for two years rather than a year and a half. I knew I’d stay clean, but it takes a lot of trust to believe in a junkie.” It was torture to get the words out, but he wasn’t about to stop until he told her everything. “When your grandmother died, not being able to help you through it was like asking me not to breathe. We barely knew much about each other, but I already had feelings for you. I wanted to be there for you. It was a good thing Red, and to some extent Jed, talked me out of it, because I would have told you all of this then, and that would have just added to your pain.”

She looked down at her hands again and said, “This is a lot to take in.”

“I know it is, and I realize that the time we’ve had together was a gift. I’m not going to try to push you into giving me a chance, but I want you to know a few things. I’m determined to stay clean for myself first, for Truman and the kids, and for all of our friends who have helped us get to this point. I have a roof over my head and a job I love. I aced my GED, and I’m taking classes toward an accounting degree. I’m also committed to helping others stay clean. I run NA meetings every Wednesday night in the basement of the Lutheran church, and I’m a sponsor to another person in recovery. I have the most incredible support system with my brother and our friends, and I haven’t thought about using drugs as a way to resolve my problems even once since I’ve gotten clean. I don’t feel like I’m fighting that urge to use drugs. I feel like I’ve moved past that, like it happened in another lifetime. But you need to understand that just because I feel that way doesn’t mean an addict doesn’t live inside me. Addictions are lifelong villains, and they lurk in every hard, dark moment for a chance to attack.”