The only consistently useful function of the PC is the old faithful “Positions Open” section. For instance: Charlotte, N.C., needs a “firearms identification expert” for the new city-county crime lab. Ellenville, N.Y. is looking for a new chief of police, salary “10,500 with liberal fringe benefits.” Indeed. And the U.S. Department of Justice is “now recruiting Special Agents for the Bureau of Narcotics and Dangerous Drugs.” The ad says they need “a sizeable number” of new agents, to start at $8098 per annum, “with opportunity for premium overtime pay to gross up to $10,000.”

(In my opinion, only a lunatic or a dope addict would do narc-work for that kind of money. The hours are brutal and the risks are worse: I once had a friend who went to work as a drug agent for the feds and lost both of his legs. A girl he was trusting put LSD in his beer, then took him to a party where a gang of vicious freaks snapped his femurs with a meat-ax.)

Let's face it: we live in savage times. Not only are “cops” called pigs -- they are treated like swine and eat worse than hogs. Yet the PC still carries advertising for “P.I.G.” tie-clasps! What kind of two-legged scumsucker would wear a thing like that?

WHY ARE WE GROVELING? This is the rootnut question! Why has the once great Police Chief turned on its rank and file?

Are we dupes? Do the Red Pansies want to destroy us? If not, why do they mock all we believe in?

So it should come as no surprise -- to the self-proclaimed pigs who put out The Police Chief -- that most of us no longer turn to that soggy-pink magazine when we're looking for serious information. Personally, I prefer the Shooting Times, or Guns & Ammo. Their editorials on “gun control” are pure balls of fire, and their classfied ads offer every conceivable kind of beastly weapon from brass knuckles and blowguns to 20 mm. cannons.