“No!” I backed up even further. “I don’t want to hear this. I’m not going to listen to any more.”

With a few swift steps, Adrian stood in front of me again. The wall was only a couple inches behind me, and I had nowhere to go. He made no threatening moves, but he did clasp my hands and hold them to his chest while leaning down to me.

“No, you will listen. For once, you’re going to hear something that doesn’t fit into your neat, compartmentalized world of order and logic and reason. Because this isn’t reasonable. If you’re terrified, believe me—this scares the hell out of me, too. You asked about Rose? I tried to be a better person for her—but it was to impress her, to get her to want me. But when I’m around you, I want to be better because… well, because it feels right. Because I want to. You make me want to become something greater than myself. I want to excel. You inspire me in every act, every word, every glance. I look at you, and you’re like… like light made into flesh. I said it on Halloween and meant every word: you are the most beautiful creature I have ever seen walking this earth. And you don’t even know it. You have no clue how beautiful you are or how brightly you shine.”

I knew I needed to break away, to jerk my hands from his. But I couldn’t. Not yet. “Adrian—”

“And I know, Sage,” he continued, his eyes filled with fire. “I know how you guys feel about us. I’m not stupid, and believe me, I’ve tried to get you out of my head. But there isn’t enough liquor or art or any other distraction in the world to do it. I had to stop going to Wolfe’s because it was too hard being that close to you, even if it was all just pretend fighting. I couldn’t stand the touching. It was agonizing because it meant something to me—and I knew it meant nothing to you. I kept telling myself to stay away altogether, and then I’d find excuses… like the car… anything to be around you again. Hayden was an asshole, but at least as long as you were involved with him, I had a reason to keep my distance.”

Adrian was still holding my hands, his face eager and panicked and desperate as he spilled his heart before me. My own heart was beating uncontrollably, and any number of emotions could have been to blame. He had that distracted, enraptured look… the one that he held when spirit seized him and made him ramble. I prayed that’s what this was, some spirit-induced fit of insanity. It had to be. Right?

“His name is Brayden,” I said at last. Slowly, I was able to quiet my anxiety and gain some control. “And even without him, you have a million reasons to keep your distance. You say you know how we feel. But do you? Do you really?” I pulled my hands from his and pointed at my cheek. “Do you know what the golden lily truly means? It’s a promise, a vow to a lifestyle and a belief system. You can’t throw something like that away. This won’t let me, even if I wanted to. And truthfully, I don’t want to! I believe in what we do.”