Chapters (47)
- Cover
- Dedication
- Epigraph
- Part I
- Lulu
- Lulu
- Elfriede
- Lulu
- Elfriede
- Lulu
- Elfriede
- Lulu
- Part II
- Lulu
- Elfriede
- Lulu
- Elfriede
- Lulu
- Part III
- Lulu
- Elfriede
- Lulu
- Elfriede
- Lulu
- Elfriede
- Part IV
- Lulu
- Lulu
- Elfriede
- War Office, London
- Lulu
- Elfriede
- Lulu
- Lulu
- Lulu
- Part V
- Lulu
- Part VI
- Ursula
- Lulu
- Elfriede
- EpilogueLulu
- Historical Note
- Acknowledgments
- About the Author
- Also by Beatriz Williams
- About the Publisher
The knee slips. The air stops. The universe rotates around a single word. The salt sea invades them, sand against skin, the noise of water, the color of twilight. The hot, drowsy air. The trunk of an orange tree.
Wilfred says, “Yes, I remember Florida.”
“Those three beautiful weeks. The only real joy we had, before we lost the girls. I remember how we fell asleep each night. I don’t think I’ve ever slept so deeply in my life.”
Outside the folly, along the riverbank, the frogs have started up. Or maybe they were croaking all along, and Elfriede’s only just noticed them. A lumpy frog chorus, like the chorus of night creatures in Florida, outside her window made sacred by love.
“I remember the morning I saw the blood in my drawers, and how shocked I was. I’d thought I must surely be with child, after all we’d done. And it grieved me. I wanted it so. I wanted to be pregnant by you, Wilfred, to grow your child inside me. I still remember that shock and grief, and how I knew, in that moment, just how much I loved you. I loved you so much, I wanted a baby from you. I loved you so much, I forgot all the sorrow. And that was the moment our sorrows began.”
“But life is never without sorrow. You can’t—Elfriede, you can’t mean to say you were unhappy all these years? You can’t mean to say that we didn’t have our joys, just because there was grief too?”
Elfriede reaches for her husband’s hand, which turns out to be folded against his chest, under his arm. She draws it across the arc of her belly to rest near her navel. The baby rumbles around beneath.
“I don’t know what I mean. I want it back, that’s all.”
“Want what back? Florida?”
“You’d been with other women then, when we were apart, and I didn’t care, because you were mine. And maybe . . . don’t you see? Maybe it doesn’t ever matter, as long as—as long as—”
Wilfred’s hand pulls free from hers. He takes hold of her sash and unties the knot. He parts the dressing gown and lowers himself on his knees, between her knees, holding her womb between his palms.