‘But surely much of it is just stopping their own people from stepping out of line? Wrong, of course, but I’ve heard that a lot of it is about cracking down on drug dealers and car thieves, and it’s actually pretty popular with the local community. My car was stolen from outside my house in England last year, and I can tell you, if I had got my two hands on the little bastard that did it I would have—’

‘Got together with five friends to beat him with a nail-studded plank of wood, shattering his shin bones so that he could never walk right again? Is that what you would have done?’ I said. My voice was rising.

‘Well, I wouldn’t have gone quite that far, no,’ Gavin said.

‘How far would you go, then?’ I said, in a strange, strained voice that came from somewhere in the pit of my stomach. ‘How far?’

He just looked at me.

I stood up. I was really beginning to feel quite unwell. I was cold and the palms of my hands were sweating. There was too much of this stuff crowding in on me now. My eyes began to focus on a piece of white bread that was clinging to the side of Gavin’s face, hanging on to the dark bristles that sprouted vigorously, indeed with almost obscene strength, from his cheek. That was like me, I thought. Just hanging on temporarily, about to be swept away by someone else’s gesture.

‘Are you all right?’ said Gavin. He was staring at me oddly again.

‘I don’t feel very well, Gavin. Excuse me, I’m just going to the bathroom.’

I went upstairs, locked the bathroom door, and was quickly sick into the toilet bowl. Then I rinsed my mouth and splashed my face with cold water, again and again, letting it run in and out of my eyes and down my face. I did this for a long time. I dried my face slowly, patting it with a towel, and sat down on the floor until things became bearable again.

When I walked back down into the front room, Gavin had gone to bed.