But Georg had just inadvertently reminded me why I couldn’t yet say those words. If I were honest with him now, he would walk straight to that car or across the road to Dietger to share the news of my disloyalty. I couldn’t even blame him. He had been raised with the doctrine of country before family. As far as I could tell, the Allies were still weeks away from Berlin. Would the Gestapo arrest me again? Take me back to the prison?

If they did, my girls would be all alone in Berlin as the city fell. I couldn’t risk it. I had to hold my tongue.

All I could do was let Georg go and pray to God that I would get the opportunity to say what needed to be said later, when all of it was over.

“I’m not disloyal,” I said, my tone hollow. “I’m worried for you. You’re a man now, but you’re still my baby.”

At these words or maybe my broken tone, Georg paused.Then he stepped toward me and embraced me.

“Mama,” he scolded softly. “Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing. It’s an honor to serve the Führer. Trust in him and know that I’ll be safe and back home before you know it.”

I threw my arms around his waist and squeezed him tightly.

There were thunderous footsteps on the stairs above us, and Laura and Gisela were there, both beaming with pride through their tears. Georg hugged them both quickly, told them to be brave and to be strong, and then a horn sounded outside. The girls ran to my side, both crying in earnest. I threw an arm around each of them as Georg crossed the foyer quickly to throw open the front door.

“Wait,” I blurted. “Wait…”

But I trailed off because there was nothing more to say, and it was obvious that Georg knew it too. He turned back to face us and he raised his right arm defiantly, in a salute to a man who deserved no such honor, a man who had already lost, even if he and my son were yet to recognize it.

“Sieg heil!” Georg said. Hail victory.

Still crying, my daughters raised their hands to return the gesture. I raised mine too, just as I knew I had to, but it trembled violently above my head.

Georg’s tone spoke of his defiance as he gave that salute, but I did not miss the flash of fear in his eyes.