He turned toward me and whispered heavily, “I’ve been invited to join the SS.” I pulled away and stared at him, forcing a smile. Invited seemed the wrong word for that sentence, because it suggested there was an option to decline. “Karl too.”

But Otto took the seat beside me then, and Helene soon took the seat on his other side. We exchanged pleasantries as my heart raced, and my stomach churned so much I couldn’t tolerate more than a bite or two of the elaborate meal.

Was this just a ceremonial appointment—a uniform and title, and that was it? Or would Jürgen be forced to participate in still more activities that went against his values? He obviously knew enough to be worried, but he was so much better at playing the game than I was. He laughed and he joked and sipped champagne and ate his food as if he hadn’t a care in the world. But I saw the strain in the lines around his lips and the tense set of his shoulders. I heard the brittleness beneath his chuckles.

I felt the sweat on his palm when I reached to take his hand. Jürgen was scared, and that was more than enough to make me scared too.

The proceedings began in earnest after the dessert plates were cleared. Otto was honored first—called to a podium in the corner of the room by another senior SS official, who gushed praise at his commitment to the Nazi cause and his “genius” oversight of the rocket program, then slipped a red, blue, and white ribbon over his head. The Ritterkreuz des Eisernen Kreuzes sat heavy and bold at his collarbone. The Knight’s Cross was the highest award in all of Nazi Germany—rarely offered, highly revered. As Otto returned to his seat, the lights dimmed. The heavy velvet curtain behind us drew back. Those of us at the head table awkwardly shuffled around to face a large window overlooking a moonlit lawn.

A crackling anticipation filled the air and a hush swept over the room. A flare burst to life on the lawn, and then came a roar so loud it made my ears ache. Red and blue fire spilled from beneath an enormous rocket, and after some seconds, the missile rose, smooth and steady. There were gasps of delight and cheers, then riotous applause as the rocket disappeared from view.