“You, mostly,” I admitted. Jürgen set down his glass and took my hand. He’d been touching me all afternoon—brushing my hair back from my face, cupping my cheek, hugging me. After five of the loneliest years of my life, I was basking in the attention. “Germany is still in ruins, and the wreckage of the national psyche and the culture is even worse. But I’d have stayed there, lamenting everything that happened, feeling broken about it all, probably for the rest of my life.”

A sudden shame sprang to Jürgen’s gaze. I knew he was thinking about the millions of souls injured or killed in our name…on our watch. I did that too, constantly cycling through memories and facts, as if this time when I played them through my mind, I could change the outcome. “I spent the first few years after the war focused on surviving and it was hard enough to get through each day. It was like I’d been sleepwalking, and when your letter arrived and I learned you’d survived, I suddenly woke up. Despite everything that has happened, the crisis is over and now there has to be an after. I don’t know how we move on from the war, but I do know that Gisela and Felix and I have the best chance of finding happiness with you. That’s why I’m here—to be with you, to build a future with you, to do good here with you.”

“But…” Jürgen said carefully. “No Laura?”

I already had plans to write to tell our eldest daughter about Huntsville and to send her a photograph of us with Jürgen in case that softened her heart. On some level, I knew that such efforts would be pointless. I just had no idea how to let her go.

“A few months after the war ended, I had an especially miserable day. It was hard to find food, the electric was still out…and I was heavily pregnant with Felix,” I admitted sadly. “I wondered aloud if we’d ever know what happened to you. Laura told me that if you wrote and she found your letter, she would burn it. I knew she meant it, too—she’d been collecting the mail every day and I thought it was a good sign that she was trying to be helpful. To this day, she is more loyal to the Nazis than she is to her family. When I tried to convince her to come with us to be with you, she ran away…to be with him instead. I haven’t seen her since.”