But as much as she needed her son to come home, she had to admit that the majority of her pain came from her confusion about Keith. Or rather her confusion about how she felt about him and if it was safe to give her heart and if she didn’t give her heart, how could she survive without him because the not seeing him was starting to crush her soul.

Was Unity right? Had she been in love with Keith from the very beginning? She supposed it was possible, but there was no way to really know. They were great friends. They got along well and she’d honest to God never thought about wanting more. Which made sense, what with never dating or anything like that, she hadn’t actually known what she’d been missing. And if she, for the moment, agreed all that was true, then she could see how she wouldn’t have any trouble suppressing sexual interest, what with not understanding what it was. Over time, they’d become close friends who were a part of each other’s lives.

Was that love? Honestly, she had no experience with the matter. Not romantically. She knew she liked being around Keith. She enjoyed his company and looked forward to seeing him. She liked their rituals, the conversation, the way they took care of each other. She’d been the one to look after him when he’d had shoulder surgery a couple of years ago and they always spent Christmas together. Once they’d started making love, well, that had been fifteen kinds of magic. The things he did to her body were incredible. She loved the heat and the feelings and the play and the laughter. She liked how he never made her feel foolish for asking dumb questions.

Was that love? How was she supposed to know?

She thought about what he’d said—how he’d worried that she would want to be with a bunch of other men. Yes, he was her only real lover, but she was okay with that. Even if the physical act might be better with someone else—a fact she couldn’t begin to imagine—why bother? An orgasm was just like a sneeze if Keith wasn’t there to share it. She wasn’t interested in a bodily function, she wanted to feel him with her, listen to his breathing, his own groans of pleasure. She wanted to talk to him about what they’d done and then cuddle next to him while they watched a game or talked about their kids. Keith would be there if she got the flu and help her with Cooper and tell her if she had something stuck in her teeth. She liked being there for him, as well. Taking him shopping for Lissa and helping him buy a sofa and making double batches of whatever she was cooking for dinner to share with him.

She dropped the dust cloth onto the coffee table as she tried to figure out what she was feeling and what she wanted. No conditions—that was for sure. Not sternness and rules. Only Keith was never like that. He was always—