“I thought you might be nervous; I know it’s been a while since you and Charlie talked.”

“It’s been a while since you and I have talked, too,” John said, unable to keep the edge out of his voice.

“Well, that’s different, and you know it,” Clay said drily. “I thought you might need a pep talk.”

“A pep talk?” John retorted.

Clay shrugged. “Well, do you?” Clay stared at him firmly, but with kindness in his eyes, and John’s nerves calmed.

“Jessica told you?” he asked, and Clay tilted his head to the side.

“Some. Probably not all. Here.” Clay opened the refrigerator door he had been leaning against and handed John a soda. “Try to relax, you’re here with friends. Those people out there love you.” Clay smiled.

“I know,” John said, setting the can on the countertop next to him. He eyed it for a second but did not pick it up, feeling like if he drank it, he would be giving in, accepting everything he was told. It would be like taking whatever pill everyone else had already swallowed.

John eyed the back door.

“Don’t even think about it,” Clay said abruptly. John didn’t try to pretend it wasn’t what he was thinking. Clay sighed. “I know how hard this must be for you.”

“Do you?” John responded sharply, but Clay’s expression didn’t change.

“Stay and talk to her. I think you owe that to her, and to yourself.”

John’s eyes were still fixed on the door.

“All of this heartache that you’re putting yourself through; that can’t be what you want.” Clay leaned to the side, interrupting John’s gaze.

“You’re right,” John said. He stood up straight and met Clay’s eyes. “This isn’t what I want.” He went to the back door and pushed it open, rushing down the concrete steps as though Clay might pursue him, then walking around the side of the house toward his car, his heart pounding. He felt a little light-headed, and completely unsure he was making the right decision.

“John!” someone called from behind him. The familiar voice sent a jolt through him, and he stopped, closing his eyes for a second.

He heard her heels tapping on the stone walk, the sound vanishing as she crossed the grass to him. He opened his eyes and turned toward the voice; she was standing a few feet from him.

“Thanks for stopping,” Charlie said. Her face was anxious, her arms wrapped tightly across her body like she was cold, despite the mild weather.